Why I Won’t Spank My Daughter #guest

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tumblr_nupqj0TGZ31sk95sbo1_1280I was spanked as a child and I learned that a raised hand and voice is what I deserve when I voice my own opinion or go against what someone else feels is best for me.

I never learned respect in a ruler or wooden spoon. I never learned respect in bruises or bloody noses. I never learned respect in yelling or threats. I learned to fear the people who were supposed to protect me, to love me, to be gentle with my body and my heart. I learned respect in mutuality.

I learned respect in relationships I experienced as I grew older; in the people who asked me if I was okay with them touching my shoulder. I learned respect in the people who chose not to raise their voice at me when my crying became too loud in my sleep, but woke me and told me that I would be okay.

Yes, I’d be okay.

I’ll always be okay, but I didn’t learn respect from the people who told me not to cry, not to make enough noise to alert the neighbors. “We can’t have the cops here again” “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about”. These things I heard as a child conditioned me to later think that I deserved to be hit and screamed at when I made my own choices, spoke my own opinions, said “no, I do not want this”.

The “punishments” I knew as a child later became my self doubt, my years of thinking my abusers and attackers were justified because I disobeyed and went against their wishes. When I refuse to hit my daughter as punishment, I am not depriving her of a way to learn respect. I am teaching her that I respect her, her body, and her life. I am setting the stage for a mutual respect. I am setting the stage for her to respect herself.

Why I won’t spank my daughter.

via utterlyembarrassing.tumblr.com



Words by Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
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5 comments on “Why I Won’t Spank My Daughter #guest

  1. Eziokwú, well, I totally agree with but the difference between the aftican community and the western community is education and enlightenment. I think why most of us are spanked is because, not all of us are enlightened at the tender age, not all of us are willing to listen. You can’t just feed your child ‘speeches’ and ‘discipline’, when the child can relate with other members of the society are also not enlightened and can easily influence the child. Tha’s where I think discipline comes in, the problem is the rate at which the spanking arrives

  2. I totally disagree with you on this one for so many reasons. But I’ll wait until you have that daughter and resume this discussion.

  3. Wow! Your perspective is quite enlightening and I think it will help us decide better when it is appropriate to spank and when it is not.

    Observing the way some members of my family treat our little cousins who came over for a visit, I now realize that some spanks which have been dished out are subtle ways of breaking, sorry, moulding them into shape.

    Thanks for airing your view, it creates a fresh dimension.
    Ini latest post is MY BIRTHDAY GOOFMy Profile

  4. Nnaya on said:

    Well… I think people tend to mix up spanking with sheer abuse. For me spanking is just a corrective measure ( so far as it isn’t taken too far…like leaving bruises on the child) because if you spare the rod, you spoil the child. A child won’t die from mere spanking. Also, I think the child should be made to see the bad in his/her action that brought about the “good”spanking so that a true correction is passed across.

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