Understanding Rape

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“I understand” are the 2 worst words a man can tell a woman going through her period as the cramps ravage her insides. Because we don’t understand, we can’t understand. No amount of headaches, films, divorces social consciousness campaign will make us understand what it feels like … nothing … except perhaps a sex change.

So when you encounter a woman that has been raped but has never reported her rape … don’t be quick to judge. Because you just can’t understand what she is dealing with.

It’s tempting to try and look at it from a logical standpoint, but nothing about rape is logical. The act and the reaction are very illogical. And in societies like ours being raped is a worst crime than being a rapist, because you will be judged and mocked by society.

So when it comes to rape we all, especially men, have to understand that we can’t fully understand but that we can help by not being judgmental.

twitterWritten By Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
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Words by Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
Follow him on Twitter
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15 comments on “Understanding Rape

  1. Thanks for this post. I have argued with different people severally on this issue and they (esp the guys) try to explain to me how the girls actions might have brought about the rape, some even try to justify the rape insisting that from the facts before them, the girl enjoyed the act.
    I have learnt not to try to explain Rape to most guys anyway cos the reactions I have gotten from some of them makes me want to shoot some sense into their brains.
    Then the ladies are the most amazing, I don’t know if its the culture or what but some reactions are incomprehensible. We are ones who even make the victims feel worse than thrash and spread the news happily.

    Its only when we stop the judgements that victims will start reporting cases.
    chidi latest post is Five life rulesMy Profile

  2. Likewise for males who have been raped; woman who have never experienced such probably don’t understand either. Summarily, understanding is not gender based, both sexes must understand the other in situations where one sex has no experience.

  3. Thanks Ofili for this post. Even an aristo does not deserve to be raped. Rape is synonymous to murder. Because someone brings out an iPhone 5s under Oshodi bridge does not mean that the owner deserves the phone being stolen by touts.
    The most painful part as you said is “And in societies like ours being raped is a worst crime than being a rapist, because you will be judged and mocked by society”
    Graciemama latest post is My friend’s sweetheart is a serial cheat: To tell or not to tellMy Profile

  4. It’s even worse to think of when the victim is a child! Totally evil! And to think the punishment in the court is less than 5 years imprisonment makes me wonder if the society in a way hasn’t condoned and pardoned rape already!

  5. Its so unfortunate that rape cases has been made to look like issues for the gods. especially in Nigeria where majority of us don’t mind our businesses and tend to look at the negative aspect of people’s lives than the positive. Men are raped too, but, we should stop being judgemental like ofili said and leave the matter for the gods to judge.

    Read the article “Minding our businesses” on my blog http://WWW.JohnUwangue.blogspot.com

  6. Miss Chibuzo on said:

    Very true! No one ever volunteers to be raped! Truth maybe that some victims may have directly or indirectly contributed to the act being inflicted on them but It is not in our place to judge. If you have nothing to say just be quite and walk away because one word of hate to a victim will discourage and stigmatize thousands of other victims. Refrain from judging a rape victim (male or female) or better still worry about your own sins and spend that quality time judging yourself because truth is you are not any holier than them in the eyes of God. It’s a tough world!
    p:s – I think there should be more reports on male victims of rape. The idea of depicting females as sex symbols sought of ridicules the issue of rape on a female because most times she is adjudged as being the cause. Maybe more tales from the male counterpart will show the seriousness of the issue and reduce the judgment (My thoughts though)

  7. princesa on said:

    Men are also raped? Really? How? What’s the statistics? The age range? The process? Cos honestly hearing that comment don’t sit well with me. Anyone care to explain?

  8. Yes men can be raped. The definition of rape per Nigerian criminal code only refers to a woman at this time since homosexual relations are criminalized. So we are only left with a crime of sodomy or assault in a case of male on male rape in Nigeria.

    Ofili thanks for this article.

  9. princesa on said:

    Thanks Monale and Ike.

    Coming from Ike’s explanation, I think I can now grasp the nature of a man-rape, because then, I was trying to imagine how a woman can actually rape a man. Is that even possible?

    Anyways, thanks both of you.

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