The Shape Of Love

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Guys have it hard! Too many times we are trying to live up to the expectation of LOVE. A love that is defined by the media as red roses and long walks on the beach…but the truth of the matter is that there is no universal way to express love, each individual expresses their love differently, which is depicted rather subtly by the 3 hearts in the sketch…



Words by Okechukwu Ofili of
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36 comments on “The Shape Of Love

  1. There is no universal way to express love – very true. However, love usually does not seek its own way! If a guy loves a girl, his priority should be to find out what makes her happy and do it. His priority should not be to do to her what he thinks should make her happy – that's not love, it's control, in my own opinion. : ) The same rule applies to the woman – find out what makes the man happy and do it. To me, it's all simple!

  2. Folake, I agree with you whole heartedly. I'm always irritated when a guy does things for a girl, things that she hates, because he thinks she "should" like those things, and ignores her true likes and dislikes.To be perfectly honest, I just think most women just want someone to respect them and treat them well. That's it.

  3. @ Deborah & Halima — absolutely…. absolutely… We're in absolute agreement.On another note, if a guys absolutely hates doing what makes a girl happy and a girl absolutely abhors doing what makes her man happy… Then, perhaps they are INCOMPATIBLE. While I strongly believe that people should do what makes their significant others happy (very happy), they shouldn't do such at the cost of their own happiness. So, if a girl loves flowers, romantic dinner, valentine's day, birthdays, romantic getaways, etc. And the guy hates doing ALL those things… Perhaps, the girl needs to dig deep and wonder whether or not she really should be with someone who is unhappy doing what really makes her happy. Women especially don't like to dig deep because "good" men are scarce, so they oftentimes settle and downplay their needs. Men don't really need to do this, i.e., settle. If a woman makes a man unhappy, he'll go and get another one. LOL.

  4. emm I kinda disagree with you guys…but at least you guys are in agreement =)To me Flowers, Dinners, Candles and the rest are not the true signs of love. People have taken love and equated it to that. I see a lot of guys who are trying to hit up girls for "one night stands", they do all the fabricated stuff like going out to the movies and candle lit dinners, but once they get what they want their out. And the girl is left confused with the words "i thought he loved me"The true sign of love is more subtle. People (boys and girls) rarely see it because they are looking out for RED ROSES…

  5. @ Ofili – Not all girls want flowers, candles, etc., actually. All we're saying is that the one that truly loves should do "what" makes the girl or guy (as applicable) happy. Of course, there will always be counterfeits of the real thing. That doesn't negate that the guy that truly loves a girl will always try to do what makes her happy as she's trying to do what makes him happy. We all know that there are men who do NOT do any of the flowers, etc. and still LEAVE the girl or treat her bad, right? So, an a** will always be an a** – flower/candles or not! : )

  6. I stand by my previous statement. All most women want is to be respected and treated well. At least that's all I want. I don't need the chocolate, because that means I have to run 3 additional miles at the gym. I don't want flowers, because then I have to find a vase, and take care of the flowers, and I already have a full time job! 🙂 Just open doors, pull out chairs, and treat me well! 🙂

  7. Word @ Halima. I agree with you girl.I also don't want the chocolate – don't really dig all that. But, I wouldn't mind flowers once in a while. Candlelit dinner – a must! Opening doors, ah wonderful; pulling out chairs, even better. If you can pay my bills too… ah, then I LOVE YOU FOREVER. LOL.@ Ofili – I dn't want "subtle" signs only. I want something that screams "I love you forever"!!!!! Again – a man should do what makes his woman happy. Not what he thinks should make her happy!

  8. 1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5: It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6:Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7:It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8a: Love never fails. and 13: And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. there u go Ofili!♥

  9. @ Ofili , you're assuming all females are the same in that we all holds these material images (flowers , candlelit dinners , etc.) as signs of love. To me , loving is learning. If you take the time to learn her , you will know how to love her without all the unnecessary fluff!

  10. @Folake: I believe the flowers and chair pulling are great, but even a fool can do that. It takes something deeper to know that someone loves you…and I really do believe that that thing is subtle…not loud and not proud…something private and you just know it…@Halima I don't believe it stops at respect or being treated well…If I respect you and treat you well that does not mean I love you…that might just be my nature =)

  11. lol@ Folake! Being subtle is not so bad… I think it's nice to have something that only two people care share…@Ofili: Apology accepted 🙂 Love is overrated though. Especially around this time of year (Val's day).

  12. @ Nonye: I didn't say "subtle" was bad. : ) I said "I didn't want subtle signs only." Meaning, in addition to subtle signs, I'd like the "screaming" signs too! LOL@ Ofili: you're still not getting it. : ) When you love someone, it's not about giving them what you want them to like, it's about giving them what they like. If what they like is the "unnecessary fluff," then that's what they like. If what they like is the "deep stuff," then, that's what they like. If they like the "unnecessary fluff" and the "deep stuff," then that's what we ought to give them. Relationships will work better when we start to "listen and to give" instead of "command and take." When I love someone, I want to give them what will make them happy, not what I want them to want.

  13. @Folake, I read ur post again and I get what you are trying to say now but its also what I said too when I mentioned loving=learning. If you learn her/him , you will know how to love her/him. …and "the unnecessary fluff" lol. That's what the dinner,flowers and candy &%*# is to me. Lol. But I'm only one women out of thousands that may actually like it. I just particularly don't care for it but it doesn't mean its a bad thing. Again, it goes back to what I mentioned before. Everyone is different. Sure, there are general things a man or woman can do express love and affection but to know what really makes a certain man/woman feel loved, you would have to put in the time to "learn the individual"! PS- A fool with a one track mind (man- whore) can definitely pull out a chair, and/or open a door. Those things don't define one man from the next but if that's what u like , that what u like. Lol.

  14. FOLAKEEEEEEEEE I agree with you =)You definitely have to give love the way a person likes to recieve it. I totally agree. I'm just saying be wary. Someone could know everything you love and do it, but that does not mean he loves you…=) …on the other hand someone might fumble and deliver only 75% of what you like…don't eliminate him because he does not fit the exact mould of love…he might be the one…=)

  15. @Folake: Last one I promise…I know guys (won't call them fools) that know exactly what to do to get a woman to like them and ultimately to get them in bed. They do this for the first 3 months…have their fun and fade…all I'm saying is beyond the fluff (blame Claudia) look out for the real reall sign of love…

  16. I appreciate you not calling them "fools." : ) Because, honestly, the guy that takes the time to do all those things should not be labeled negatively just because he's doing all those things – the "fluff" as it has been labeled by Nonye. : )Truth be told, you don't know that someone really cares about you in 3 months (anyone can pretend for 3 months). They have to be consistent for a whole lot longer than that. However, just because they are doing what they think you like and what they think is the "right" thing does not mean that they are planning to leave you. We should all be vigilante, watchful, patient, not as demanding, etc., etc. : ) And if they do leave, then thank your lucky stars they were only there for 3 months. What if that person marries you and leaves after you've had 4 kids (God forbid). These things are difficult to judge.So, I guess we're in agreement. We're probably just saying the same thing in different ways. : ) Although, I'd really like to know what you consider the "real sign of love…" and do you think that those who do the "fluff" also cannot give the "real thing"? : )

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  18. Okechukwu, you are a brave man! Taking on all these women by yourself?! Lol. Just kidding.But what a fascinating read. And I did read every single comment. The truth tho is, love does not have a singular definition. To each his/her own. What works for Folake, for instance, may not work for Nonye. It's so hard to take what worked in one relationship and expect it to work in another.Case in point: I had a girlfriend once that loved roses and all. She was happy with constantly getting flowers from me, which I gleefully did. Anything to keep her happy, right? Fast forward into the next relationship and I thot same thing would work. I doled out flowers until I discovered she wasn't showing the same level of enthusiasm toward the flowers like the previous one. So, we had a talk and surprise, surprise, she said she hated flowers! What?! How could ANYONE hate flowers?But love is so complex that you constantly have to work hard at it and be willing to be very selfless to make any relationship work. You need to be willing to compromise a lot. And, most importantly, you and your partner also need to have realistic expectations of the other. No use saying a gift of a car is what would make you happy when you know there was no realistic way of your partner being that generous. 🙂

  19. This drawing actually makes sense to me…and reading the thread it makes even more sense. Men and woman see/do/expect everything differently and if you truly love someone it isn't because they do everything that you like, it's that you are willing to compromise and he is willing to compromise with those things. If a guy does something special (flowers, candles, gifts etc) I want him to do it because he feels it’s necessary, not because he knows I like it. It would be meaningless.

  20. @Femi: damn that was good. Quite candid and honest and most importantly true. Good stuff. And thanks for the male support…I needed it…@Cheri: don't mind Folake and Halima (joking) you phrase the point in a way I have been fighting to express…"I want him to do it because he feels it’s necessary, not because he knows I like it" could not have said it better….

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