#MasterCard Now Official Sponsors Of The Federal Republic Of #Nigeria?

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Breaking Satirical News

MasterCard has become the official sponsor of the Federal Republic of Nigeria’s National Identification Card.

After years of dilly dallying from past administrations, Goodluck Ebele Jonathan has finally got it right. Not only are Nigerians getting a National ID card but they are also getting a debit card at the same time. According to MasterCard spokesperson the ID card is designed for security and it is loaded.

“It is has not 1 but 2 photographs, a chip with bio-metric information including 10 fingerprints and an eye scan as well as a recording of your DNA.” said MasterCard spokes person. With this level of security someone is going to make loads of money on eye scanning machines corruption may finally be coming to an end in Nigeria!

mastercardinstaPlus again, the national ID is sponsored by none other than MasterCard, who beat out both VISA and American Express as sponsors. American express reportedly refused to change their name to Nigerian Express and were understandably disqualified! After all nobody wants anything foreign on their National IDs!

The terms of the deal are shady as with everything Government.

But our research using past historical algorithms and commons sense says the deal will last precisely as long as Goodluck Ebele Jonathan remains in power. That is why VISA is actively working with APC to make sure that they can have their own candidate and VISA National ID card by 2015. Maybe now our elections will not be decided by rice!

Nigerians all over the world are excited about this new ID/Debit/Finger-Print/Eye-Scan card. Although this is not the first time an announcement like this has been made, it is the first time the National ID comes with an actual sponsor … so it must be real!

Plus this level of transparency puts the brakes on political corruption. No longer will things be done in the shadows. Instead other companies are coming out in the open to officially sponsor various parts of Nigeria.

Sources of ofilispeaks.com say that several new announcements will be made within weeks. Including the new Petroleum Bill which will now likely be sponsored by Chevron. And the Nigerian Constitution which will be sponsored by MTN.

The national soccer team is rumored to be likely sponsored by Dangote… who will unveil the new Dangote Super Eagles jersey in the upcoming African Cup of Nations! Watch out FIFA … Nigeria is about to violate another international rule.

The biggest beneficiaries are the Chinese who will no longer have to hide their financial control over Nigeria. As they will officially be buying the Nigerian Naira … now our currency will have pictures of Chinese and Nigerian leaders! Take that America!

Master card is wasting no time in releasing their new publicity campaign to roll out the new National ID/Debit-Card. And as you can trust we at ofilispeaks.com have a sneak peek…

Ice Cold Chapman … 500 Naira
Glover Court Suya Packet… 2000 Naira
Pure water satchets for when Suya pepper enters your Eye … 50 Naira
Using your National ID card to bribe police …  priceless senseless
There are some people debit card can’t bribe … for everything else there is MASTERCARD
Accepted by everyone except LASTMA and Nigerian Police


Written and Illustrated By Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
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Words by Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
Follow him on Twitter
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Read his crazy titled books on okadabooks 




8 comments on “#MasterCard Now Official Sponsors Of The Federal Republic Of #Nigeria?

  1. Thanks for noticing this because I’ve been personally bitter about this matter for months and years because it goes with what I’ve been tellin people around me (for years) that’s one of our biggest problems we have in Nigeria (besides corruption) is that we like to focus on physical things instead of what really matters

    I remeber reading about the proposed card in the papers last year and the NIMC spokes person was proudly talking about the mastercard capability of the card. I almost wept. For goodness sake all our local ATMs are now mastercard are they crazy? The tuth is that this GREAT currption is a product of that our mentality of ‘focus on physical things’ .

    What is more important than the card is the data. The record. Same thing I’ve been screaming about INECs foucs on permanent cards. It shows we don’t understand what data is all about. If we do, we need not have permanent voters card because the most important thing should be the data @ each polling centre. Infact for the inec case, (where they took 10 finger prints) all they neeed @ each polling centre is a finger print scanner I think.

    To understand this our mentality, although I cannot say it all in this comment, this is a country where if someone misplaces his ‘original’ school documents it would seem as if he lost close relative. Maybe even worse!!. In govt documenting, I’ve often asked what’s most important amongst these two :– my original primary school leaving certificate or WAEC certificate versus the fact that I actually wrote those exams and the records (DATA) is somewhere showing my results?

    This comment is getting longer than the blog post because this matter pains my soul. I’m sorry but for those like me happy that technology and globalization is most beneficial for us as we are developing, please note now that without common sense and honesty, no way. Common sense that would make us realise that for DATA, the back end is more important than the front end. Wow sounds like a nice quote.

    As a Nation we shd be thinkin of integrating personal data from NCC, CBN, NIMC, INEC, WAEC, NECO, VIO, not printing out cards

  2. nyiedum ufot on said:

    I hear some people saying it’s signs of the end times, and signs of things to come in tribulations…. mmmhhh I just hope its not another bogus project.

  3. Christian chinedu on said:

    Our government is indeed a serious one, and our president, surely, a wonderful president. In this 21st century, an American company called mastercard has become a printed owner of nigerians. And In so doing, mastercard has in essence bought a big chunk of Nigeria’s national economic, strategic and logistic intelligence on a platter and without a fight. Very pathetic!

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