In Church I Wasn’t Taught How To Love Anyone

This post has been seen 5321 times.

Article written by Joy Isi Bewaji at

tumblr_lh6a6rmg5a1qdwh52o1_500In church I wasn’t taught how to love anyone.

I was taught to pay my tithe and other special donations, then watch God move mountains on my behalf. 

Not paying tithe was the only unforgivable sin.

Members would dupe one another; go into “organised” relationships, buy cars with yahoo-yahoo funds…but as long as they paid their tithe, they were loved by the pastor which automatically meant they were loved by God.

So we paid our tithes and hated one another.

The women grew jealous- filled with empty suspicion and distrust; the men ran bogus businesses.

But we paid our tithes.

Some stole from their work places, nurtured sour relationships with their parents, lied like it was going out of fashion; many times misogyny was in full glare…

Yet we were sinless. We were tithe payers.

But you see, it was never enough. And many times we were reminded, on the pulpit, with harsh words to: “UP our giving game.”

We did. We squeezed every penny from our lives to give so we could be accepted; recommended to God by the pastor.

Everything my mother said went through one ear, died a natural death before dropping out from the other ear. 

As much as she tried to remind me that family was more important, the church whispered slyly that serving God was more important- serving God under the interpretation of man.

So when I left a marriage, the church was nowhere to be found.

It was my mother who housed me for over two years. It was my mother who fought- physically and emotionally to have me keep the children. She was being attacked by a mad Ex while I was vacationing in Abuja. I wanted to rush back to Lagos but she said “No. Stay there and enjoy yourself. This one is not a man. Tu fia!” 

It was still my mother who paid my children’s fees through a full session. 

It was my brother who paid for my apartment when I was tired of squatting with my mum, and gave me a car.

It was family who rescued me.

What I am trying to say is: Church is where love is.

Not in the empty dubious babble of a man in a suit on a pulpit.

Wherever you find love, that is where your God resides.

That is your church.

Article written by Joy Isi Bewaji at



Words by Okechukwu Ofili of
Follow him on Twitter
Stalk him on Instagram
Read his crazy titled books on okadabooks 

Latest posts by Ofili (see all)



14 comments on “In Church I Wasn’t Taught How To Love Anyone

    • Charles on said:

      Sincerely, this is the trick of the whole game. in the bid to make it better for the “church” we forget who the real church is..Jesus Said, God would not dwell any longer in temples made of stones, but the Holy Spirit resides in the man..IF we care dome much for the building and the expansion of it only..what happens when the people o longer come? it just an empty building..i have seen churches leave their temporary sites to permanent camp grounds..and when the people no longer comes its an empty building,.its a simple lesson that this is about the people. God speaking..said..I will give “you” (the people) pastors after my own heart. Its about the people.

      I currently work as Administrator in the global base of my church and this has been my heart cry..its not the paper work..its the people!!

  1. Ok, here’s what I was going to post when I read the first two paragraphs, “Em, Bewaji, you were not in church. You were in a casino house filled with religious ***. Pardon me, but I think it’s best put this way: that cramp is just a building filled with people who prefer to be lied to and a silly man who’s actually going nowhere (but leading them).” But now: yes, Church is where love is!

  2. Adaeze on said:

    She’s right! Church is where love is. The Bible consistently tells that God is love and he that does not love is not of God. Like Busayo said, Joy wasn’t in a church but in a religious casino.

  3. Ikechukwu on said:

    That there are fake churches is something i like because then only can i know the real ones, whatever has no fake the only one available is the real one. With the fake churches would we learn to embrace the real ones and know how sweet the real one is. Also note that love can mean different things to various sets of people. You can love to kill, steal it all depends on your interpretation of the term.

  4. I know someone who would benefit from reading this. But our relationship has gotten much better since I stopped playing devil’s advocate about her churchiness. Who knows, maybe I’ll send the link anyway.

  5. God’s word says He who loves the brethren has passed from death to life. Period.

    1John4v7-8: Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love, does not know God for God is love.

    That should answer the question ba? It’s sad you had to go through that experience and that’s why we have the bible to guide us because lots of wolves are out there and many are still ‘babies’. You preach to me, no problem, but that is why God gave me his Spirit and His Word in abundance so that I can go back home, cross check and ask questions. Because
    He said, everyone who asks, receives, whosoever seeks will find.

    We are the church. Each individual in Christ. Not a building, not a house, but we, the temple of a true and Living God. We are to love our neighbors as ourselves because that is the greatest commandment of all.

    This truth I found in the Bible. You can find it too.

    I hope you’re better though? I guess the post says so 🙂
    glowingscenes latest post is Dear Diary 18My Profile

  6. Wow. What a nasty experience!
    That wasn’t a church, just a gathering of people(or most of them) that lack the Spirit of God.
    For the church is a people born of God(John1:12) that reflect His image and likeness. GOD is love, no way there won’t be any in His dwelling place.
    And i think the title should have been: In [MY] Church I Wasn’t Taught How To Love Anyone, the title as it is could be misleading to the ‘simple-minded’.

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


CommentLuv badge