Amala and Fufu Tensions Boil Over In #Nigeria
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Breaking Satirical News
Lagos, Nigeria – Riots have broken out across Nigeria as tensions between Amala and Fufu escalate.
It all started when Amala was suddenly removed from the menu of one popular Mama Put restaurant several days ago. Witnesses say they woke up one day and Amala was not just being served anymore at the popular restaurant. The Amala and Fufu tensions have been going on for years, but this is the first time tensions have really boiled over!
Amala is protesting what seems like another strategic blockade by Fufu to keep them out of restaurants in Nigeria and commercially weakened. It does not help that Fufu is already given more favorable coverage by both the local and international media, which further sparks feelings of discrimination within the Amala community. According to Amala spokesperson both Fufu and Amala should be served and treated equally…
“There is wide spread believe amongst the Amala community that there is Amala discrimination going on in Lagos. And if it is not contained it could quickly escalate” said the Lagos Amala State Rep.
And this is true. Research shows that Fufu is served more than Amala in Nigerian restaurants …. the biggest difference can be seen in Nigerian weddings where Fufu is the overwhelming favorite. However, the Fufu community does not believe that this wide gap is due to discrimination but rather believe it is merit based.
“Fufu is just simply better tasting, plus Amala smells a lot.” said Chief Of The Fufu armed forces.
Such accusations although true, only help to increase tensions between both parties.
It is believed however that a temporal ceasefire is not far away as mediators are looking to capitalize on the Muslim Ramadan fasting period as an opportunity to ease tensions … albeit temporarily.
Madam Labake Kofo popularly known as MLK believes that all flours are created equal and should not be judged on the color of their flour but rather the content of their flavor. In her recent speech, televised across the nation, MLK stated…
“I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: – ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all flours are created equal.”
Whatever the case is, the Nigerian government have their hands full. Many experts believe that if Amala and Fufu tensions are not contained early it could easily and quickly spill over to other regions of the country. And might violently influence the ongoing disputes brewing between Yellow Garri and White Garri.
In that dispute, Yellow Garri is accusing White Garri of dominating the Garri water soaking industry. But this dispute proves to be just as
tricky sticky as the first, as White Garri does not feel the palm oil bleached Yellow Garri should be allowed to soak in water.
“Oil and Water just do not mix.” said the White Garri Attorney
The whole world is watching. Nobody knows how this one would play out, but we are keeping our mics on the ground bowls on the table.
The truth however is that food is food, they all come in different shapes and sizes. Some might smell funny, some might even taste funny. But no matter the color of your food at the end of the day they all come out as shit!
NOTE: No flour was killed in the making of this article, although some were pounded beaten badly!
Written and Illustrated By Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
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