Virginity Is Overrated

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MPW-14099I am sorry but keep your virginity to yourself. Like stop rubbing it in our faces.

It does not make your relationship better, does not make your sex better, does not increase your bank account and does not make you a better person. It just means you had sex after so many other people. And last I checked you don’t get an award for that.

Virginity is not an anti-divorce seal and science has proven that Virginity does absolutely nothing. But yet it is a prized asset, like a girl with light skin and flowing long hair. That angelic image of a virgin that can do no wrong, but last I checked a virgin can still stab you in the back and slap your head off.

But we don’t hear enough of them because every minute one virgin or the other is whispering out loud about their virginity. Why do virgins have to announce their virginity to the world, “hey look at my legs, look at them nobody has gone between them.”

I know I know not all virgins say that, some are quiet and humble and I respect that. This rant are for those virgins that have to tell the world they are virgins so that on their wedding day their virginity is on everyone’s mind. They like the virginity attention, its like a drug. “Hey look … my hymen it’s still intact” O wow … have a Virgin cookie!

And it’s always the same thing hey “I saved my self for marriage” because a pastor who was likely not a virgin told me not to mess around! But I wish, really wish they said…”hey look I am a virgin … I saved myself for marriage and saved a ton of money by investing in a diverse portfolio and several businesses so that I don’t have to depend on my Husband who o by the way is not a virgin to save my behind!”

I wish that was the message we told our daughters instead of telling them to aim for virginity while their Husbands run around. But hey we will let it slide because it’s the job of the woman to protect her virginity and not the man … that’s the double standard we sell our women. So much so that virgin married woman can strut around in the same paragraph as an accomplished unmarried woman …. that’s what our nation adores. But last I check virginity did nothing for our Nations GDP!

Now please before you go about breaking your hymen … STOP.

I am not saying you should start sleeping around or that virgins are evil people. All I am saying is it to keep your virginity to yourself. Stop waving it around because it is distracting and does not allow us to address real sexual issues …

Which is why most parents use virginity as an excuse not to talk about sex to their children and that to me is even more dangerous. There is this assumption by parents that their children (male or female) are virgins so they for the most part see no need to get out of their comfort zone to teach us about it.

And when Parents are not teaching … guess what the world is teaching and the world can mess you up! Not to mention that it makes that boy or girl who had no say in who took their virginity feel imperfect, immoral … not pure. That’s my issue with virginity and that’s why I feel it is overrated!

twitterWritten By Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
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Ofili

Author: Ofili

Words by Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
Follow him on Twitter
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52 comments on “Virginity Is Overrated

  1. There is so much wrong with this article. I really hope you don’t actually mean the thoughts expressed in this ill-advised post.

    • Ofili

      but off course I do.

      I want virginity to not just be a woman thing but a man thing if it has to be pushed. I want people interested in saving themselves for marriage to also think about practical things such as saving money for their marriage (and by marriage I don’t mean wedding). So yeah…I meant it.

  2. Interesting point of view. Why can’t we have both? I actually believe the tide is changing from a focus on ‘virginity’ to ‘realistic skill set’ (not just cooking and cleaning – which are actually important – but also business acumen, and not just the one you go to school for.

    • Ofili

      Dayo…we can definitely have both. But my push is that viriginity does not become a female thing only but a male thing as well. And that business and success does not just become a male thing but a female thing as well. That’s my both.

  3. *coughs, clears throat, rolls up sleeves* #Battlepose…….
    ………..alas no battle. #weagree :)
    *rolls down sleeve*
    But, I don’t think virginity is overrated. I just think we teach/learn the wrong lessons surrounding it, just like we do with our varied faiths: that double standard, and silly sense of superiority.

    • Ofili

      AJ my issue with virginity (amongst many) is that parents use it as an excuse not to talk about sex to their children and that to me is even more dangerous. There is this assumption by parents that their children (male or female) are virigns so they for the most part see no need to get out of their comfort zone to teach us about it. And when Parents are not teaching … guess what the world is teaching and the world can mess you up!

  4. Some virgins “announce” their virginity so that young girls (especially) struggling with peer pressure can know virginity can be “cool” and that others have been able to “maintain” their virginity until marriage. However the holier than God attitude of some could make you want to pull their ears or something.
    Adaeze latest post is TenterhooksMy Profile

    • Ofili

      But to what end? if you maintain your virginity till marriage but the person you married is not a virgin what has that proven? Why the focus on the female and not male? I just find it a load of crap. But that’s my thinking =)

      • I agree that there’s double standard on the virginity issue. There are male virgins who “broadcast” their status too, I know a few. I believe your sexual history or lack of it is meant to be private but we live in a tmi age so everything goes.
        Adaeze latest post is TenterhooksMy Profile

      • Ofili this is what it is, virginity is not about the other person, and this is what’s meant to be proven, honoring God and obeying Him through abstinence. But truly if people do it to prove to ‘others’ or rub it in, then that’s just plain wrong, that’s selfish; they’re even putting themselves at risk, all it takes is one staged act of rape.

        But your sarcasm though, it’s mocking.

      • I agree that the issue of virginity should be emphasised in cases of both sexes but to answer your question that “if you maintain your virginity till marriage but the person you married is not a virgin what has that proven?”, It proves that though one cannot control what others do with their bodies, one can control what he or she does with his/her body because in the end, it’s not about others but all about each person.
        It is saddening that majority have the mind set that says “why should I decide to be different when others are not? I’ll only be different if ‘A’ or ‘B’ does same”?

  5. I think that people overtime cannot distinguish between public and private matters. Virginity is a private issue and I see no reason why it should be broadcasted.

    I think that there is value in abstinence and it is something that both men and women should aspire to. But there is no need to announce your status to the whole world. But that is just me sha.
    Monale Alemika latest post is #DecodingCareerChoices with Okechukwu Ofili – @ofilispeaksMy Profile

  6. I must say I agree with ugotalksalot. Its about time someone pushed for male virginity as well. Because the way I see things, if guys could be able to hold onto their virginity, it would be easier for the girls.
    But at the same time, being a virgin is a private issue and there should be no need for the holier than thou attitude. Like there’s an award to be handed out.
    chidi latest post is Must poverty always equal ignorance? #annoyingreallifescenariosMy Profile

  7. odunayo on said:

    Hmmmmm……I agree with Ugotalksalot, its time to shift our attention from virginity to something more productive and advancing

  8. Female virginity is a virtue, but since there’s no yardstick to judge the status of males, I believe that’s a double standard.

  9. Hi Ofili. This is an interesting piece. Funny enough I have never met anyone brag about being a virgin. Instead I have met a lot of people who brag about being sexually active and see virgins are weird or from out of space. Surprisingly majority of them are women. There are many people who say they do not want to marry virgins. I’ve met many. So this articles catches me by surprise. I am yet to meet at least 5 guys and 5 ladies who I can say are virgins and are proud to be.

    • Ofili

      Esiri … we lilkely hang out in different circles. I am yet to met a girl that brags about being sexually active. But hey different life experiences.

  10. Asanwa on said:

    Ahem! I don’t think virginity is overrated and I think it’s ok to talk about it but it depends on the motive. In the world we live in, especially for the young ones, there is so much pressure to have sex and some people are even ridiculed for not having had sex before. It’s cool to be able to say “I am a virgin and I’m proud of it” because I feel like it will help the young ones who really don’t want to have sex but feel pressured to do so. That’s just one point. Now is there a double standard, unfortunately yes but I think both sexes should be held to the same standard and guys should be proud to say they are virgins too. It s a good thing. As a matter of fact, on preachers of LA yesterday, they had a man on the show that was a 49 yo virgin and he was using it to inspire singles men and women that they could do the same and there is nothing “strange” or “weird” about it. To me it’s very commendable …. Ok let me stop here for now. Lol

  11. Queen E on said:

    Ofili I agree and disagree with you. I think I can boldly say I know who you are referring to. Key word ‘think’. I read an article online with regards to that. But it’s her story. I agree the double standard has always been an issue even for me, it makes no sense at all. But at the same time How about people like Riri and Nicki Minaj that throw their ‘disvirginity’ wipes on the face of the entire world on a daily basis. Even if has an effect on the GDP of the country. What will you say about that? There are other things to be concerned about asides money. I mean take a look at the crazy world we live in today, a lot has changed, morality wise…. Sometimes it’s important to know where people are coming from and their motive in general, I believe it came from a good place. Yes you have a right to your views but it sounded rather harsh.

  12. Some virgin has made someone angry! I agree that virginity is not a big deal. But if anyone manages to maintain it kudos to the person. What is more important is sex education although most parents might prefere to live in denial and assume their kids are virgins and choose not to talk about it. Religion also has its role in preachin abstinence but 95% of humans I think, commit the crime (before marriage)

    It is good to be sexually modest. Afterall too much of anything is bad. Well, Virginity is not a hot topic these days so I’m still guessing that some virgin just made the writer of this post angry. Sorry.

  13. Even if you have a point, you are going about it the wrong way and not separating issues. Go to NYSC camp and see how people brag about how sexually active they are. Virginity isn’t overrated! I agree there’s is a double standard, but it isn’t overrated. Yes, your virginity doesn’t define you. Well, so doesn’t your sexual activity! It is good to be proud of your virginity. I just wish Virginity will be the new ‘Cool’.By the way, how come we are less comfortable with people bragging about Virginity than people bragging about their sexual activities. If we are now in a world of freedom, then virgins should have freedom of expression as do non- virgins. Anyway. lest I forget, Please be careful of grammatical errors. You are a writer.

    • Ofili

      Hi Oyin. I am not perfect… So if I make grammatical errors or other errors do let me know and I would correct them.

      As I pointed out in the article there is nothing wrong with being a virgin. It has its benefits which are way way more than being sexually active. But the issues I raised is this … why is virginity a female thing? And why is the focus on virginity only? What about focusing on being an independent woman as well?

      If that was not conveyed in the article then I did not do a good job writing the article and will take it as a lessons learned.

  14. Tabitha on said:

    It’s amazing how the world doesn’t consider people bragging about their sexual escapades a problem but consider people bragging about their virginity a big problem. Virginity is worth being celebrated and young people should be encouraged to stand for what is right. I don’t think the issue of making it in life and virginity should be discussed in the same context. I agree with you about the fact that it shouldn’t be a women affair only but men should also keep theirs.

  15. Olive Greene on said:

    Ofili, i respect your write ups alot. I understand what you are driving at
    … (that virgins dont need to brag, since being a virgin doesnt make them better than others). Keeping one’s Virginity is a choice..a personal decision. If the person chooses to talk about it, ‘some’ people should not feel slighted or call it boasting. If people go about talking about their sexual escapades, people should be free to talk about their virginity as long as it is necessary. Lets stop seeing it as a norm (premarital sex) and feel it is out of place if someone says he/she is a virgin. Lets be able to commend them because its a good virtue. Of course they are not better than others…its only one aspect covered.

  16. Sex is Overrated writer. I really think you don’t know what you
    mean by overrated writer!. I know you are really frustrated
    because you have lost yours one way or the other but please you
    don’t need to fool yourself this much. Every seconds you see a
    sex page flash on your wall what do you say to that? but yet you
    see it wrong for just one person coming out to say she is a virgin
    in like 5 than to 10 years overrated? You must be impossible with this kind of write up. please if you are still a virgin out there be proud
    of it and if you are not please deal with it and don’t see it when a
    girl tell you she is still a virgin as overrated. If you feel
    embarrassed when a girl come out and tell the world she is a
    virgin then you can try the other side of Hell if you don’t mind. what do you say about
    millions of girls goes nude everyday? you don’t see that as overrated right? You here about Sex every where yet Sex is not overrated? Just one person or few say they are virgin and youcall that overrated? Then you truly need to check it Mr! if you are
    feeling guilty about loosing your virginity pls take your life if you don’t mind and in
    your next life you try keep it if you so which or try make your
    girl kids keep theirs and stop harassing them for what they proudly
    have and have kept it. You are proud of what you have. So she was proud of what she has and why do you see it as robbing it off our face? She never say she was better than anyone nether virgin or non virgin so why saying rob it off our face? She or anyone who say they are virgin has every right to do so just as you have the right to tell you friends that you have slept with that girl/ guy and no one is complaining about that irregularity.

    • The grammatical errors in this comment though! What an angry comment. Anyway, I totally agree with virginity being overrated and that it is indeed double standard. I believe that women should be sexually confident just the way men are and if you decide to ‘save yourself till marriage’, that would also be great. We are all sexual beings and sex will always be an integral part of our lives no matter how hard we try to shove it under the carpet. And for all the religiously warped people out there, virginity is not the highway to heaven. In the end, the virgin will be disvirgined except of course, she chooses to join the nunnery! So if you enjoy sex, please by all means, indulge yourself. And if you are keeping yourself till marriage, please do wait and hope to the gods that the man you marry is able to perform! Peace and Cupcakes!
      Pamela latest post is Dress to be Addressed!My Profile

  17. Great article Ofili, set the wheels in head turning..
    I do not think that virginity is overrated. I think It is great for one to “keep themselves”(my mom’s favourite word).
    However, I also agree that women should not just be encouraged to do this but the men should be groomed with this right from the start, yes, it could stop some of the inbred promiscuous attitude some men(and some women) seem to have these days.

    I also do agree that emphasis should not just be placed on virginity and it shouldn’t be used as a leeway to not teach a child sex education but the cards should all be open to the child.
    We generally have a culture of being close-mouthed about such things in nigeria and it’s wrong. Even some virgins don’t want to talk about sex. It’s not evil, it would help if we know what to expect, what we should prevent..etc.

    Finally, I do not see saying am a virgin publicly as such a bad thing. It depends on the motive. Some young girls/boys can be encouraged to not just give “it” away to every Ada or Chike just by listening to someone who’s “kept his/herself”.
    But still, virginity isn’t an excuse to have terrible character, attitude, no skills, no career goals, no aspirations…its not a certificate…
    But all things been equal, if the right lessons are adhered to, virginity isn’t overrated at all.
    #mytwocents

  18. This is a great article, I believe that your virginity should be a private matter between youraelf ans whosoever breaks the hymen when you are ready.

    Besides there is way too much emphasis on a girl being a virgin while the guy is allowed to run around “sowing his wild oats”.

    Your sexual activity or lack there of is your business and no one elses.
    Chidinma latest post is I am Woman, Respect MeMy Profile

  19. oleando on said:

    *Ahem* having read all this comments, I think you might have to change the title of this article•
    Dear me, why on planet earth shouldn’t we applaud those who have had the ability to say ‘NO’•
    National Awards and laurels are given to the unmerited in a nation where I come from and they are proud of it•
    I’m sorry if one of us stepped on your wrong foot, but please don’t take it out on us•
    I have a dream that one day your son grows to be a virgin and until then Virginity Wouldn’t Still Be Overrated•

  20. I like that you address serious issues in your own unique way. This was written in a manner that can be misunderstood or should I say it can be a bit controversial. I understand that virginity is important but there are so many other important things that no one is stressing. How you should be a woman capable of holding your own and as such be an asset. Well done Ofili

  21. This is absolutely radical. I love it all the way. It is riddled with deep meaning. Virginity is not holiness. Some are worse than prostitutes. As you’ve said, virginity is self sacrifice to obey the good Lord. As everything else, whatever is done for God should not be broadcasted. I didn’t say it Jesus did. Then the father will bless you ib open for what we’ve done in secret.
    Ofili’s point is this, train our ladies to be more equipped in life. Do not stuff them with ideas they have to be perfect when men ain’t trained that way. Let there be true value system. Equality and a girl who chooses to be a virgin, which I love and respect should make it personal and not act like she is doing the world a favour.

  22. Ofili, virginity is personal. We all will stand alone on judgement day just like we came from our mothers alone. Even if you are a twin one still came after another. I see virginity more as good self discipline and not bowing to pressure and being able to hold your own. If you can resist sexual pressure almost any other pressure can also be conquered. Ask your kids to be virgins….

    Well done for not reaching out in Houston. Me sef no wan see you again…lol!

  23. SusanTehmmy on said:

    I thought of this too and asked my mom a long time ago y there is so much pressure on the female abt keeping herself but less pressure on the male.. she had no direct answer. I agree that it’s should be a two-way thing and not just on the female.. on d weddn night, a guy finds out his wife isn’t a virgin and ery1 freaks out but the guy isn’t a virgin and no-one says a damn thing.. D society is so messed up that it has gotten to a point where after d male has messed up wt uncountable number of girls, he only wants to finally settle down with a virgin or as they term it ‘a good wife material’… like really, why shld that be… and d society accepts that????? This notion about raising the whole virginity ish shld be changed… and ladies that are virgins that keep screaming it out.. truly it’s a thing of pride but it’s also private.. it’s not like an award will truly be given…. I think the society needs a change in its orientation and view to this issue….

  24. Raymond on said:

    Moral standards… sex before marriage should never be encouraged. whether for male or female.
    Your article belittles that. and this kind of mentality that virginity is overrated is on of the reason there is a lot of promiscuity with the young generation today. ‘i saved myself for marriage’ should be encouraged. it shows self control and appreciation for moral value. don’t judge virgins cause you lost yours 😛 …lol

    There are a few things more important than the GDP Ofili… like moral values cause they are eternal.

  25. Great article although the tone does show you are pissed off by virgins who broadcast their status, but that will amount to double standards if you don’t also get pissed by non-virgins who are guilty of the same broadcast, I like the part where you pointed out that this is not a post that is encouraging hymen loss, but then again you commit the same crime of double standards by directing this post to only females and their hymen, if you don’t want only females to be carrying the cross of virginity then you should throw in some weight for the guys, this post should also be about guys who have been keeping it to be assured that they are also worthy of emulation, and not the mockery of the picture of a 40year old virgin, the media has always broadcasted and supported premarital sex and if individuals are beginning to come out to broadcast their virginity and be proud about it, I believe that is a good thing, whatever the reason, and contrary to your science backing on premarital sex, I’ve got some links to refute that on my blog, before I digress, virginity is not a private matter, it is very public, in fact it’s an important criteria in dating, if you don’t see anything wrong in loosing virginity and or premarital sex, the person you are dating needs to be aware to avoid frustrations down the line when it’s expected and not giving, in fact that should be the basis of discussion, would you want to date/marry a virgin/non-virgin? During dating/courtship should sex be expected? Then the most important part, should it be only the guy footing the bill in such relationships 😀 (especially since most guys are spending money in anticipation of sex… note I said most not all) that will help us in the long run from getting pissed about who broadcasts and who does not, and who is a proud virgin/non-virgin , I think the pressure is more on the females though because they would prefer to be second wives than the other way round, that’s where the double standard of society starts from, women ready to share men and not care if he has been to places than their male counterparts in regard to marriage, even the sex tapes that do get to fly around, the guy gets hailed if at all his face is shown and the babe always gets the short end of the stick.

  26. Briseis on said:

    OFili I love your articles but I must confess this is one I do not understand,just because someone says she is a virgin and that makes virginity overated.but people who go about bragging about their sexaul activities don’t make sex overrated right?Virginity should be celebrated,Saving yourself amidst peer pressure,media etc means you make your own decisions.you are an independent woman.so kudos to those who are virgins and talk about and to those who are humble about it too.bottomline should be you and God,doesn’t matter if your husband is not.

  27. I don’t agree with you that virginity is overrated, on the contrary it’s importance is even degraded by several persons.
    Things that are been overrated now are LGBT rights and the radical sexual revolution if you are truly objective, I expect an article on that from you.
    Also I dislike the fact of trying to check the worth of virginity by checking it’s value. All the instances you painted above like awards, GDP, are merely materialistic, the world is surely bigger than matter and money, I fear you are gradually becoming utilitarian.
    I agree with you that both men and women have to be challenged equally to live up to this ideal.

  28. Princesa on said:

    Ofili, virginity is not overrated, it’s a personal decision, a choice and really should be kept private. But when there is an important need to broadcast it, well good, it can be, but when it’s not necessary, then tis best to keep shut. But at the end of the day, people and their perspectives are different, you don’t expect everyone to think like you.

    Personally, I know a few virgin frnds who are focused and independent, even sexually active friends who are, so don’t be fast to judge. some of us ladies want to make our money with or without our hymen intact.

    Yeah..Me thinks you are either bitter, envious or just confused. I mean, Who talks about virgin shits these days?:/

  29. I talked about this elsewhere. Went for a bachelor’s Eve where the groom screwed strippers. Before this, he was a dog, even loved anal sex a lot. But his wife, a virgin. Bragged about her status. Her parents bragged about her status. To them, she was going to be a good wife cos she was intact. I shuddered to think how their future as man and wife would be, sexually. I really felt for her. And to think this happens a lot. Oh well…
    I often tell people who uphold this virginity thing: you finally pop the cherry on your wedding night, then what?
    You’ve been impaled! Simple. You’re now part of us, you can’t brag about it again, you can’t use it to save the world, you can’t use it to save your life, it can’t take you to heaven. It takes just a prick! Get used to hearing it. You will lose it one day.

  30. Nice article Ofili… I also believe virginity is overated. I mean why brag about being a virgin while you still commit other forms of sin? After all what shall it profit you if you die a virgin and still don’t make heaven?

  31. This article shouldn’t have been published in the first place. And I AM QUITE DISAPPOINTED. Immorality is on the increase and what I hear you say is it doesn’t matter. For God’s sake there is no relationship whatsoever between being a virgin and other issues mentioned (GDP, doing business or saving money). Young ones should be brought up to leave a godly and moral lifestyle not giving them excuses to grow up as “dogs”. Because you are not a virgin is not a licence to discourage others from being a virgin.
    And thanks to you all who have “cheaply sold off” yours because of whatever, it simply tells of the value you place on yourself.

  32. my friend said she would be a virgin but her husband musnt be. this friend of mine dsnt wear earrings or make her hair or put on makeup. yet she said this. i was shocked. like u said double standards. i told her if my husband wants a virgin..oh he better be a virgin.

  33. Be like say Na d title of the article carry controversy. “Virginity is overrated”…. Erm. 1 thing should be very very clear. The title of anything matters alot. U shoUld already know this dear ofili. Tho u mayb be passing across some right informations for Africans, Under what heading? “Virginity is overrated” the issue of don’t judge a book by its cover / TITLE, Does not apply to a lot of people.

  34. Hi Ofili,
    And the winner for the Guinness World Record for the most times the word “virgin” and “virginity” is used between a single article and the comments is…#gottalovestats

  35. I agree with you because most of these people who wave their virginities in our faces actually go behind and engage in other sexual acts to satisfy their partners. Matter of fact they are better at these things than their “non virgin” counterparts. So apart from your points, I think its hypocritical of them

  36. Honestly this article is just a load of crap. I’m sorry. Its good you express yourself but i also think you should be careful how you do so. How can you say virginity is overrated? Because it doesn’t affect GDP? or the double standard crap? if your issue is that a virgin lady would most likely end up with an non-virgin man,whatever happened to writing an article to inspire the guys to keep themselves? If i didn’t know better than to assume,i’d think you’re envious of people who exercise that level of self control. How can you say theres no point in the ladies’ self control? its primarily for themselves and not someone else. People keep themselves for religious purposes (as its God’s desire that we stay chaste till marriage), or out of a need to build up self control and integrity. if you know some who throw it in your face maybe its as a result of being ridiculed before or they just don’t know better. However the attitude is wrong as virginity originally should be a private matter and you can use your skill to teach them to do better, not come here and ridicule the whole lot. Some statements in this article were just wrong and disrespectful. To assume that all virgins just carry the tag on their forehead and sit idly at home doing nothing and waiting for a man to take care of them just because, is just narrow thinking. You should know better Ofili. Having said that, I respect your art.

  37. Adaeze on said:

    How I wish I could be as bold as this to really talk about this virgin thing! Its overrated. Thank God for people like you.

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