Virginity Is Overrated: Part II

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virginSo a few days ago, I wrote an article titled Virginity Is Overrated and boy did I get criticized for that article!

People told me that they will not read my blog again, some said that I was promoting promiscuity and many said they were disappointed that I would use my platform to bash good moral values. So after much pressure … I have decided to apologize for …. absolutely nothing … okay maybe I could have written the article a bit better and not been so harsh on virgins … maybe …

But I still feel that virginity in Nigeria is a largely overrated and feminist phenomenon and it does more harm than good for our country. One of my most salient issues (out of many) with virgin worship is that it gives parents an excuse not to talk about sex.

And when you don’t talk about sex you create an atmosphere of dangerous secrecy! I call it dangerous because I know this…children like Adam and Eve will touch and even eat the Apple that God (the Parents) have told them not to touch, its human nature!

In other words children in Nigeria will find a way to have secretive sex, whether you lock them up in a boarding house or shackle them at your house gate or send them to Jehovah Witness Church Camp … they will find away to have sex! The sooner we accept this the better … the better because chances that your Daughter or Son is a virgin beyond 1st year University level is low …

But I understand as a man writing about virginity my message my come across … so I will share a personal and true but anonymous story from a female teenager via Huffington post teens….

What Losing My Virginity Made Me Realize

By Miranda, 17

Sex was always a taboo topic growing up. It was uncomfortable to talk about and was more known as “that dirty thing that only married couples can participate in.”

I grew up going to a very conservative Christian school. They were so scared that all of us would have sex that they didn’t even teach sex ed. The only thing we were taught was abstinence only. Anyone who had sex outside of marriage was “dirty” and was looked upon differently. This is what I learned as a 13 to 14 year-old. It made me uncomfortable to even think about people having sex with their significant others.

Now, fast-forward to high school. Same school, just older. Same exact doctrine for sex. But now I questioned it. It didn’t make sense why virginity was so important to these people.

At 16, I lost my virginity to a guy I hardly knew — and it was so much fun. It wasn’t something sacred. It wasn’t life-changing and it didn’t make me any “less” than the other students. So now that I knew sex wasn’t a scary thing, I started to do my research: how to have safe sex, the right and wrong things about sex — anything I could to educate myself. I felt so overwhelmed because I had been taught nothing about this subject. I wanted to learn everything about it so that I could understand why people viewed it so negatively.

What I found was there’s a lot of false information. There’s a lot of ignorant adults too, who believe not teaching something will prevent it. I knew that this was incorrect. So I did all in my power to make sure I had safe sex and started telling my friends what I learned. It’s been over a year now since I’ve lost my virginity read full article here

Now I am not saying we should start telling children to have sex … no. What I am saying is that we should talk about sex with the assumption that children are already having sex. And most importantly don’t let them define their self-worth on the basis of whether or not they are virgins. Q.E.D.

twitterWritten and Illustrated By Okechukwu Ofili of
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Author: Ofili

Words by Okechukwu Ofili of
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32 comments on “Virginity Is Overrated: Part II

  1. Hi Ofili,
    I like your writings and I wouldn’t stop reading them but seriously virginity isn’t overrated. I believe its something we should uphold. Our society has long ago embraced a culture of moral decadence and its now the norm. You must have heard the saying that connotes standing for what is right even if you are the only one standing. In our fathers’ times the community awaited to see the blood stain of a bride resulting from her newly wedded husband deflowering his bride. I wouldn’t support how brides that didn’t pass this test were treated but I would sure embrace the morals. Our value systems are dying that is if its not dead and until we in our own little way endeavour to replace these value systems first in ourselves and instill them in our children then Nigeria, Africa would be worse. Please don’t mind the structure of my grammar. I am not much of a writer. Just trying to express my views and hope you get me. 🙂

    • Ofili

      Osaze…thanks for sharnig yuor thoughts. Your comment is why I will even go and write part 3.

      What you stated is that virginity is part of our culture … great not arguing with that. Then you go and talk about viriginity again from the female perspective, what about the men? How do you tell women to keep themselves clean while men can jump around =/

      Lastly, virginity is not a measure of a countries values. If that was the case the Nigeria should not be so corrupt given that we have so many …. cough cough …. virgins.

      • Lolol @cough cough…

        Haven’t read part 1, but will do. I love the way part 2 goes… from what I can deduct, I think some people claim virginity because they are afraid or hypocritical (for religious, social or cultural reasons – depending on what school of thought they belong)… other cases, third parties could just deliver false testimonies, so the “gossip” would be tastier.

        Apart from the proper moulding of the family unit, (such as, honestly helping kids understand what they should know about sex), the question of virginity should be a personal thing…let the people involved bother about it – if it’s an issue to them.

      • Please let us hear word.
        I completely agree that virginity is part of our culture. I totally understand about declining moral values too but let us stop putting our heads in the sand biko. What is sauce for the goose better be sauce for the gander.
        Let parents sit down and have sex talks with their sons instead of scaring their daughters saying if a boy “touches” you, you’ll get pregnant. Maybe then we would not be so shy about our bodies. Maybe then, the instances of rape will reduce. But in the end, until the onus shifts from merely telling girls to close their legs and be more ladylike to telling boys to treat girls with respect and be more gentlemanly, would everyone please put the shut to the up?

    • Those in the days of our fathers’ talk is a big scam. Because how come many of our mothers/fathers have pre-marital children?
      Also, the idea of staying “untouched” till the D-day is well talked about, but what happens afterwards is never discussed, after all, it has now become an adult something. How is that for moral up rightness?
      And then the idea of waiting to see the blood stain from the new bride is soooo ridiculous. It is obvious that some others were doing it already, or why else will they be so interested in waiting up on the poor lady? That does not suggest a norm…

      You may also want to consider what age many of those women married. They probably had just started understanding their own bodies(or maybe not yet), and how it is different from that of the boy. Ignorance is distinguishable from Moral up rightness.

  2. Miss Chibuzo on said:

    Firstly, as a human being let alone being a writer, people will always criticize you but that is the drive to do more if you are strong-willed. See as they made you write Part 2 and hopefully this Part 2 better communicated the message you are trying to convey (hope they will not criticize you again to write part 4…! *Nigerian movie things*).

    Sex education should be widely encouraged (though in all fairness there is more awareness now than many years ago), however while we educate, it should not be done as a feminist issue. Charity begins at home! Parents should take this “Sex education-GST 101” seriously and open up to their kids to the fullest even sharing their experiences with them. There is no better teacher to a child than his/her parents and hey!….it is not only the mothers who have the duty to educate these young ones.

    On Virginity, I have my beliefs but it is also not the passport to heaven. However I will say….“to each his own.” What baffles me is the fact that female folks mostly suffer this stigma of Virginity while for our male counterparts it’s like a Taboo to be a virgin except a few men(some spirikoko brothers), who make that decision (but ashamed to admit it in public). Every negative message about sexuality is being centered on the female folks (I guess that is the cross we have to carry for Eve’s actions). A man has 5 kids from 4 women and a feather is added to his cap while a woman with 5 kids for 3 men will be tagged ‘a cheap whore’, or ‘a woman unfit to bring up a child.’

    Why is Virginity solely characterized and identifiable to only the feminine folks?

  3. I appreciate the fact that you’re not taking anything back from your initial article. While I agree that every woman should be free in making her choice, I feel like we are purposely choosing not to educate ourselves because of shame. We have allowed sex to become such a taboo that issues relating to sex are not to be spoken of. We place virgins on a pedestal, and allow a woman’s worth to be defined by virginity. But we direct all of this at the woman, because SHE must remain “pure”. It’s bothersome.

    I knew even at a young age that I most likely wouldn’t wait till marriage to have sex, but I dared not tell anyone. Luckily for me however, I have a mom who (mostly due to the nature of her profession) sat me down and told me that if/when I did have sex, I must protect myself. She chose to be realistic, and I will always respect her for that. A lot of parents aren’t doing this out of fear that discussing sex is the same as encouraging or promoting it. It is not. If kids are going to have sex, they will have sex. And the fact that morality is so tightly linked with sexuality actually confuses me; especially since our male counterparts aren’t expected to uphold this moral high ground.

    I’ll end with these two quotes that stuck out to me in Yejide Kilanko’s “The Daughters Who Walk This Path”

    “I’m not advocating the annihilation of traditional norms and values on the altar of modernity, only that we critically examine each one on its merits”
    “You can only teach what you know, and you can only reproduce what you are”

  4. Hi Ofili

    Interesting view

    First things first. I am a 26 year old virgin. My virginity is not based on something I was taught as a child or society’s views. Matter fact I can’t really remember any one person telling me to save myself for marriage. It is a choice I made because of my relationship with God plain and simple. If it was based on society I would have let it go long time ago.

    If anything, not being a virgin is celebrated. With the whole idea that because you are a virgin you are prude or even worse guys think you are pretending that you a virgin so they can ” respect you”. So they proceed to “try their luck”. Articles like yours dont help the case at all. If u want to promote safe sex ed in Nigeria focus on that. I support you. Dont title your article being a virgin is overated and then go on to address virginity as if it is an issue.

    Being a virgin is hard enough as it is. Last I checked MY BODY MY CHOICE. You want to sleep with the whole nation go ahead. None of us virgins will write an article titled “sleeping with a whole nation is overated”.

    Do not downplay or bash the fact that I am saving myself because I have decided my relationship with God is that important. (and no I am not one of those christians that worships pastors that you addressed in another write up). You might not see the value in it and that is why it is not your decision. Because you dont agree with or can’t understand something doesn’t automatically make it wrong or overated. I am usually a big fan of your work but this one issue I must address. Kilode? Abi is it your body we are using to not have sex ni?

    There are so many issues in the world as is and you use your platform to bash virginity. Quite disappointing.

    • While I usually enjoy Ofili’s writing as well, I’m sort of leaning towards the point of your post.

      The title of the article alone evokes a strong emotional reaction I think. Fortunately I was able to read the article itself and see that the point of the article really was that sex education is a beneficial thing and I agree with that.
      However it did come across as though virginity is imposed on everyone which is not really the case.

      Yes some people abstain out of fear but I’d like to think that those of us who like to take in information and critique it are aware that avoiding something doesn’t necessarily translate into dealing with the problem. Yet for people who choose virginity out of fear for whatever reason, that is their own choice and they are entitled to it.

      Others like you pointed out do it out of psychological well being and part of that for some people is spiritual well being as in your case. I think this is a more mature approach and for that reason don’t agree with the overgeneralisation of the title.

      It’s ok to offer an opinion and make suggestions as Ofili did but also a bit more awareness reflected in the article that as individuals we all have different takes on different issues and that can sometimes come across as unfair.

    • Ofili

      Like I said in the previous article and this, I have no issues with virginity. To me a virgin and sexually active person are the same, one person is not holier than the other. My writing this article is push against the popular thinking that virginity is an equation to say how pure you are and that to me is BS.

      The other reason is to push against the feminist nature of virginity, why is it only females that society is obsessed with their virginity?

      And the last point is to tell African parents not to assume that their teenagers are virgins because that is a lie. Teenagers in Nigeria are having sex and if your sex education talk to them is about virginity aka DON”T HAVE SEX THE END then sorry. You are asking for trouble.

      NOTE: I lost my virginity when I was 25 and I know how that helped me focus in College. But nothing is black and white in life, I was sexually naive, I made lots of mistakes, I had to google about things I wished was taught in school. But all we got is don'[t have sex…THE END.

  5. This just my problem. I should keep myself. He can or cannot do same. Question: Who is he practicing with? Another female somewhere. Experience! and they grin from ear to ear. Dont get me wrong, i am nt being pushed bcos i am trying to show the man. It’s just that we shdnt face just females. Wait..come to thnk of it. I thnk its baaed on d belief yhat we r temptresses. like eve waved d apple b4 adam we do d same to d man. this theory just came to me..sm1 has probably said it b4. As i was they hound us telling us to keep ourself that he may not be tempted. in d process..we both r virgins. hmm..virginity isnt overrated. sex is. cos evn wen u loose it and kip goin at it u r impure. bt wen u lose and repent u r a virgin in christ. smh..virginty and sex are overrated. I rest my case.

  6. All we need is proper sex education for our teens. I agree virginity is good but why tether it only to the female folks? we all know its seen as a taboo for a guy to be a virgin(even most virgin girls would love to marry an experience dude). So my question is if all the girls are expected to be virgins, were will the guys get their experience?

    My point is maintaining your virginity or losing it should be based on choice/personal decision with knowledge on proper sex education but not some random custom that is one sided.
    mudi latest post is Why not Condomise?My Profile

    • Ofili

      Thank you Mudi, well articulated. ” So my question is if all the girls are expected to be virgins, were will the guys get their experience?”

  7. *clearsthroat*… Em I think the title “Virginity is overrated” 1&2 doesn’t quite do justice to the contents of the articles.

    I think anybody who comes out plain in this age and time to say “I am a virgin” is very brave. Cos society will mak the life of a virgin miserable. (That’s what the title of this article is doing)

    That said, let nobody be deceived
    1. The fact that you are a virgin doesn’t guarantee free visa to heaven
    2. Being a virgin doesn’t make you a better person.

    Then let’s stop the double standard uphold male and female virginiTy on the same level but who are we kidding is there any such thing as gender equality.

    O well, we will survive sha.

    Finally, I love your blog.

    • I’m A Virgin. That wasn’t so hard to say.

      If you (and all the other people advocating pre-marital sex here) are pagans or aetheists who have absolutely no reagrd for the Bible or the God who loves His creation so deeply that all He expects in return is trust and obedience, then that’s fine…go ahead and hump every agreeable tree (AIDS, abortion *cough*murder*, and low self-esteem in view)!

      But if any of you so much as prays or steps in church out of respect for God (or even guilt), if your tongue proclaims your flesh as Christian, if for some quirky reason you run to someone you regard as your Maker for wisdom when challenges too amazing to comprehend swim your way…and you can come here and make excuses for sex out of wedlock, it is a Shame! #NuffSaid

  8. Nice of you to write a part 2 without apologising, but I’m guessing as a fellow blogger you are really enjoying the controversy, good for hits 😉 but you failed to address the criticisms in the Part 1, you also ignored some of us, so I will start by copying and pasting my previous comment in part 1, hoping you could use it for a part 3 or just simply reply me here, then I will go on to address your part 2, on sexual education, p.s I’m enjoying more comments on post nowadays than blogs themselves, and I think although your Virginity is Overrated posts are not your best work but the comments are worth a read.

    cknaija on October 23, 2014 at 1:00 pm said:
    Great article although the tone does show you are pissed off by virgins who broadcast their status, but that will amount to double standards if you don’t also get pissed by non-virgins who are guilty of the same broadcast, I like the part where you pointed out that this is not a post that is encouraging hymen loss, but then again you commit the same crime of double standards by directing this post to only females and their hymen, if you don’t want only females to be carrying the cross of virginity then you should throw in some weight for the guys, this post should also be about guys who have been keeping it to be assured that they are also worthy of emulation, and not the mockery of the picture of a 40year old virgin, the media has always broadcasted and supported premarital sex and if individuals are beginning to come out to broadcast their virginity and be proud about it, I believe that is a good thing, whatever the reason, and contrary to your science backing on premarital sex, I’ve got some links to refute that on my blog, before I digress, virginity is not a private matter, it is very public, in fact it’s an important criteria in dating, if you don’t see anything wrong in loosing virginity and or premarital sex, the person you are dating needs to be aware to avoid frustrations down the line when it’s expected and not giving, in fact that should be the basis of discussion, would you want to date/marry a virgin/non-virgin? During dating/courtship should sex be expected? Then the most important part, should it be only the guy footing the bill in such relationships (especially since most guys are spending money in anticipation of sex… note I said most not all) that will help us in the long run from getting pissed about who broadcasts and who does not, and who is a proud virgin/non-virgin , I think the pressure is more on the females though because they would prefer to be second wives than the other way round, that’s where the double standard of society starts from, women ready to share men and not care if he has been to places than their male counterparts in regard to marriage, even the sex tapes that do get to fly around, the guy gets hailed if at all his face is shown and the babe always gets the short end of the stick.
    cknaija latest post is Dr. Myles wrote his Obituary before his deathMy Profile

  9. As a woman who was sexually abused by someone very close to me from when i was 5 years for 4 good years, i can say with all sincerity that not being a virgin was something that brought a lot of shame and insecurity while growing up, before/after my teenage years and even some years into adulthood. however, if i were given the opportunity to choose when to loose my virginity and who to loose it with i would definitely choose abstinence and try hard to stick to it, not because i see virgins as been holy or pure(by the way a lot of virgins masturbate so much you won’t believe, i know because I’ve read a lot of their confessions before they got “born again”), but for peace of mind, and also because of my relationship with God. Now, i don’t believe that virginity is overrated but i believe sex is. I also see sex before marriage as something that favors the male folks more than women because men have the ability to have sex without emotional attachment while women….no matter how much we want to claim that we can have random sex with a random guy and not get attached, always have a piece of us left with someone we have a sexual relation with(i may be wrong for generalizing and someone can correct me if i am but this is the way i see it). in our world today, a lot of men relate dates and gift with sex, maybe I’ve been meeting the wrong men and hearing stories from women like me….i don’t know, but you’ll see situations where a man takes a woman out on a few dates, buys her gifts a few times and then proceeds to feeling entitled to her body as a form of…payment?(i don’t know), culminating the relationship?(someone please tell me). i wish for a world where whether to have sex by both genders or not is a personal choice, especially a choice which would be respected and not be criticized or lauded, i wish for a world where the choice about when a woman will loose her virginity and to whom is not taken away from her especially at a time when she cannot defend, speak for herself or even understand what is going on except for the knowledge that what that uncle, house boy, cousin or family friend is doing to her is wrong and is evoking emotions/feelings that make her bow her head in shame. i wish for a world where men and women can cultivate and build a relationship which sex or the lack thereof, gifts( money, stuffs, etc) doesn’t dictate the pace or essence of that relationship but they can just be together, focus on exploring other things that matter without a false sense of obligation and bond that sex, money, and gifts bring. so, i don’t believe that virginity is overrated, i believe sex is… and please my fellow women, work hard at making something out of yourself, being your own person, learning to stand on your own two feet and taking charge of your life…when there are challenges in it or when everything is smooth and dandy, not because you’re a feminist or you want your life to manifest the support for the cause but because you’re a human being and you were created for something significant.

    someone please challenge my views….

  10. Every word spoken every word written will be required of us on that last day…… A lot of so called Christians r also saying “virginity is overrated” smh.. Only if u could have a glimpse of the face of heaven, towards the so called born again Christians who agrees with such slighting uproar against virginity… Remember it is a commandment “keep the bed undifiled”……..heb13vs4

  11. I don’t have a problem with your views on virginity but I do have a problem with the way you bring Christianity into it (e.g. the example you used and the reference to it in Part 1). Is that the only religion where virginity is encouraged? There are Christian and Muslim virgins in Nigeria.

  12. Beautiful piece Ofili. As a writer, I respect your writing. The title caught my attention and after reading, I was totally in support. sex, virginity and feminism are all overrated. Our ability to call spades as they are foster quick recognition when the teenager is finally faced with a spade. you’re are not less of a woman as a virgin or as a non-virgin. Parents asking their kids to close their eyes when a kissing scene shows in this age baffles me. You trigger their curiousity. In the midst of ‘protecting’ your child from the activity that formed them,an uncle or friend somewhere might be touching them and then the subject of rape comes in. they cant talk about it because sex is the forbidden fruit. No one wants to b judged but they make it their duty to judge who is right and who is wrong.
    @the26yearoldVirgin what do you do when you are horny (just curious) and if it is for God why is it so hard? Things done for love are almost effortless…

  13. Being a virgin doesn’t mean you are a good person or intelligent or whatever good qualities I could name. It means you haven’t had sex. It is beautiful to be one but don’t carry it like a placard. Have been at a bridal shower and we were to raise our hands if we were virgins… I wondered where that came from or who really cares. Let’s not forget that people do all forms of foreplay but omit the – main- koko. Of course, they are virgins but with so much sexual experience.

  14. igbegocho on said:

    @ Temi love the quote need to go read that book. Okechukwu just read both articles, I understand what your message is but I did also detect the anger in it as well. So much emotion, may I ask (know) why? As for sex, I advice my unmarried male friends same as females. If a woman who sleeps about is loose so is the man. Yes people are having sex but if it is termed fornication by most of the religions we practice why should you not be ashamed to admit your having it. I support sex ed. But I encourage self control even more. Believe me there nothing like knowing you control your body not the other way round.

  15. Ofili, I admire you and love how you speak your mind unreservedly. However, being a young pastor who encourages people to live as God pleases, I obviously disagree with some of your opinions, including your view on virginity.

    I am celibate by choice (not because my parents lectured me to be so), and usually encourage other young men to do ‘keep themselves’. My chastity spanning more than two decades is also without any regrets! Like I tell guys, it is a warped mentality to expect ladies to wrap themselves like ‘moin moin’ inside leaves until their marriage night, while the men run loose like wild monkeys.

    As a parent-to-be, I have made up my mind to teach my kids complete sex education. While I will encourage them to be virgins, I know they have their lives to live and will give them the permission to make their own choices in life. So, I feel bad that you had to learn the hard way about the subject.

    In respect of the benefits of virginity, I won’t try to argue because the discussion might become a debate. However, the the first that I know is that I have God’s blessings on my life and endeavors for obeying him non-selectively. (And please let us stop acting like typical religious Nigerians who associate God’s blessing with only a hope for a jack pot because they have done everything some conman who calls himself a ‘man of God’ asked them to do.) Most of God’s blessings cannot be quantified monetarily. For instance, how much in dollars is divine health, a peaceful marriage, protection, answered prayers etc worth?

    Another point that I love so much is the ability to communicate with Him at all points in time with out a sense of guilt. There is peace of mind knowing that my conscience is guilt-free. You know it gives me so much joy when I receive regular answers to prayers. Let me stop there before I turn your blog to an extension of a pulpit.

    Summarily, virginity is for men and women and does not hinder us from being economically productive. In fact, it even enhances mental, financial and relational success.

    Wish you all the best!

  16. If all this parts 1,2,3…and the lack of apology is a bid to increase your hits as i suspect then Ofili mehhnn….you’re one hell of a character. You almost completely melt off the wax of your message with such a title, ‘virginity is overrated’. If your title and content don’t define double standard then i dunno what does…Anyway i hope for your sake you write better articles in the future.

    P.S i’d really like to know how losing your virginity in college helped you focus. Just curious. And my dear, lots of things in this life are in black and white. Do not fornicate is as black or white as one can say. Some just choose t see the world through all shades of grey lens.

  17. purplegirl on said:

    As someone who stands for truth and is allergic to bullshit may I recommend this truth on virginity. Its an old sermon by Dr. Olukoya of Mountain of Fire ministries titled “Dancers at the gate of death”
    I’m not advocating for the ministry nor do I attend the church just thought you should expand your research on the topic of virginity.

    Thank you and have a beautiful day

  18. Ijeoma on said:

    Personally, I think the writer was trying to defend people who have lost their virginity as if they were all victims of people who are still virgins. Truth be told, today’s society puts more pressure on virgins than non-virgins and this becomes more appalling when they criticise the fact that you rely on religious believes to remain a virgin. Today’s society says sex is the new cool.

    ‘Being a virgin doesn’t make you holier than a non-virgin’. I think it’s false and you’ve used it to defend your stand more than three times, in your articles and in replying comments. The fact that you are a virgin doesn’t give u a first class ticket to heaven, yes (going to heaven requires a lot more than that) but if this virgin is honest about his/her virginity then he or she IS indeed holier or at least striving more to be holier than the non-virgin who continues to indulge in the sinful act of sex before marriage. Last I checked, fornication was still a sin. I say honest, because you must not confuse people who engage in all other sexual acts but haven’t had the actual sex, for honest virgins.

    The writer was very unfair to people who are striving to remain virgins. Defending yourself for having lost your virginity may make you feel better but truth is, the pressure you felt to lose it was only in your mind and doubled by the environment you found yourself in. There are people who were placed in the same environs as you but didn’t lose their virginity, that doesn’t make them stupid or uncool and neither does it mean that are still caged by their cultural values.

    People speak less and less about being virgins and more and more about how much sex they are getting! If a virgin rubbed the fact of their virginity on your face and you felt offended, then that’s unfortunate.
    Virginity is not the villain; culture is not what was taught 2000 years ago, it’s what is being taught today and guess what, it grows. People should talk about being virgins more, most people would practise self-control and purity more if only they could understand that they are not alone in the fight. Stealing is bad, yes, but that doesn’t mean people don’t steal. If I say I haven’t stolen a pin and an armed robber takes offence and says I have rubbed my ‘holiness’ in his face, then it’s UNFORTUNATE!! At the same time having sex doesn’t make you the devil, so accept your losses.

    I agree that sex education should be taught especially by parents, in fact it should be part of our culture. But that’s doesn’t make our culture and the encouragement purity of the human person by religions and culture a BAD thing. Virginity is not the real distracting thing here, our mindset is. You wrote like you didn’t think these things through. No matter how much you hate virginity, it doesn’t make it a bad thing. And using the hypothetical story of the girl getting rapped by an elder is only a low blow, an appeal to emotion.
    Parents (mothers and fathers) should educate both sexes of their children about sex. Purity is for both males nd females. They should be told the whole truth about sex ( and not just that virginity is overrated, which is the poorly baked truth). It should be more about encouraging self-control and purity at the end of the day. Like Igbegocho said, there’s nothing more beautiful and more difficult in learning to control your body and not the other way round.
    Virginity is not stressed enough, in the right way.

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