But We All Shit The Same Shit

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shit everyone shitsWARNING: This is a true story. But the character names and identities have been protected to protect their ego image. Any similarities to you might be true is strictly coincidental.

My Friend Eki (not his real name) is the quintessential story teller. From nights out in the bar to picking up multiple chicks on the streets of Gotham city (obvious fictional city). But it was not always like that…

There was a time where Eki did not know how to talk to chicks. But all that changed on a typical night out in Gotham city. Eki with his wing-man Robin Obed (not his real name either), where moving from bar to bar, drinking, dancing and picking trying to pick up chicks. It seemed like a normal chickless night until he and his wing-man ran into … in their words … the most beautiful girl in the world.

The sort of girl that was beautiful, that you swear you can see a glow of light emanating around her. And you can hear Prince’s “The Most Beautiful In The World” playing somewhere in the background. The sort of chick like the one you see in the movies that causes confident guys to become stuttering babies. The sort of chick that leaves you in a trance…the one that causes accidents with out even knowing. The sort of chick whose skin is as flawless as <the analogical word has not even been invented yet>. That chick. You know the type that I am talking about. Smells like fresh flowers and is dang sesi but cute at the same time. The perfect chick.

Eki was obviously in a trance, who won’t be abi you want me to repeat the paragraph above again?

The sort of girl that was beautiful, that you swear you can see a glow of light emanating around her. And you can hear Prince’s “The Most Beautiful In The World” playing somewhere in the background. The sort of chick like the one you see in the movies that causes confident guys to become stuttering babies. The sort of chick that leaves you in a trance…the one that causes accidents with out even knowing. The sort of chick whose skin is as flawless as <the analogical word has not even been invented yet>. That chick. You know the type that I am talking about. Smells like fresh flowers and is dang sesi but cute at the same time. The perfect chick.

So Eki was in a trance…he was nervous. He clearly wanted to talk to most-beautiful-girl but in the words that mostly Nigerians will understand: e no get Liver. Actually the truth was that he had never hollered at a girl before so it was easy to understand his nervousness. But his friend Obed was confused he had never seen a guy dulling like that. “Why are you scared” Obed said “she no dey shit the same shit as you?”

If this was a movie, it would have become a classic line…the pivotal scene. That coming of age moment…the Karate Kid one legged kick moment. Cause the words were truly profound. You see the truth is that no matter how beautiful a person is, at the end of the day they still shit the same shit as you.

No matter how smart, how intelligent, how fast….we all go to the toilet and poop. And 95% of the time our poop smells like perfume. But sadly people get caught up in this messiahistic[sic] aura of people, they are afraid of their managers, of their parents, of their boyfriends, of their pastors. Because we feel they have this special thing about them, “I cannot live without him,” “I cannot write like him,” “I cannot challenge them.” But if you just picture them shitting as funny as it is, it would help balance things out in your mind. Because you see at the end of the day, my brother…whoops Eki hollered in his own words at the first chick he had ever hollered at simple because he realized that she shat like him. And the rest as they say is history.

So the next time you feel too nervous to holler at a babe, too afraid to question that manager or too petrified to speak to that large crowd, just picture them shitting. Cause we all shit the same SHIT!

twitterOkechukw Ofili used to blog about life, success and entrepreneurial excellence, but today he blogs about shit. Follow him on twitter, Facebook or subscribe to his blog for more honest talk and as @ofilispeaks on instagram for naked pictures more sketches! To bring Ofili to your school or organization as a speaker simply go here. His third book How Intelligence Kills will be coming out in December of 2013 pre-order here http://bit.ly/intelligencekills

 

Ofili

Author: Ofili

Words by Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
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54 comments on “But We All Shit The Same Shit

  1. This is interesting and on point… Ofili

    I still get stuck at saying same words sha’ – but i’ld rather say… It is not too late.’

    …more ginger to your swags joooor’

  2. Sometimes when I read your articles, it is as if u stole the idea from my head. Man you are Good! I am working hard to be as good (or even better) than you are as a writer… *digressioon alert* ok back to the article ehn, something like that happened yesterday between a colleague of mine at work and our boss (the dude just dey shiver onto wetin em no do). Even in churches sef, the way some ppl behave in the presence of their pastors makes you wonder if no be the same shit we dey shit?

  3. Very thing, cld never tire to read all your stories as they come, cos they are truely inspiring, not just ordinary line. Kip the flag up. Ofi

  4. adeshina okunubi on said:

    oh my God. This is just too true. We all get caught in a staring game once in a while and we open and close our mouths but words will not come out. Okey keep up the inspirations.

  5. Me I just imagine them as a little child wearing pata (pant) and rolling tire on the street. If its a female, I imagine her as a little girl playing tente on the road. Voila, my fright disappears.
    But it really helps if you know what exactly you want to say, why you want to say and the desired results. That way you make your point succintly without boring your listener to shit.

  6. Pingback: But We All Shit The Same Shit |

  7. Ofili!…Ofili!!…Ofili!!!!you are truly something else.
    But on a serious note, you just spoke to me. been trying to speak to a boss in my office but I’ve been procrastinating.
    You just gave me the courage to reach out to him.thanks.

  8. Ofili…you are right agaain.
    We all shit the same smelly shit, most times the same colour (dnt ask me the colour..lol) and now you just helped me overcome my nervousness of wanting to ask you this..since na the same shit we dey shit.
    Can I get an autographed copy of how Intelligence kills, when it’s officially released? For free… Pleaseeee

  9. Didn’t know d past tense of ‘shit’ is ‘shat’. Past participle should be ‘shat’, abi?
    Ofili, u won’t kill person with laughing fits.
    More ink to ur pen, bro.

  10. Alabaman on said:

    Bros, I agree with everything except my manager one o. My boss to dey shit the same shit o. If I mis-yearn na out of the door o and as you know yankee now, enough bills they ground. So make we leave the shit thing to fine girls and parents 🙂

  11. Lol. Funny and inspiring article, funnier “shit” comments. So tell us, did the girl appreciate the shit he went through and give him her number?

  12. Ofili mehn… Ur shit make senz. Wen I saw d link tweet, I was like hmmm dis guy has come again. I so love ur delivery in this ¤piss¤ yeh shit, and I believe all “piss na piss”. Dis piss is the shit mehn !!

  13. otomiewo_tega@yahoo.com on said:

    i literally laugh out loud…good one (Y) then, i dunno why i noticed it but u wrote ‘where’ instead of ‘were’ in ur second paragraph

  14. Lmao! What a way to begin my day. And you don’t even want to know what I was doing while reading this. Funny enough just yesterday I was thinking about presidents and whether they shit, and how they go about it. Do they take off all their clothes, do they have sss/security detail standing at the door incase the shit doesnt flush, what if its watery, do they still use tissue or wash up with water, and eventually give a presidential handshake with same hand? are presidents immune to the purge that arises from eating too much banana? So many questions….

    • Ofili

      Olga you will kill us o. Shitting and surfing at the same time and the Presidents…lol. Nice one sha. Thanks for the visionary, I know for a fact sha that Obama does not shit, he is too busy for that shit.

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