#Obama Says Africa Not Ready For #Ebola Drug After Watching I Am Legend

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Breaking Satirical News

Washington DC, USA – President Barack Obama at a press conference on Wednesday said that it’s too early to send the unapproved experimental drug “Zmapp” to Africa where the outbreak of Ebola has killed close to a 1000 people. Despite the fact that Ebola is spreading at its fastest rate ever, the President still wants the drug to be fully tested on Americans before using it on dying Africans.

“We have to let science take its course. The last time an experimental drug was used it mutated into a deadly strain killing over 90% of the planets population. We don’t want that to happen to Africans,” the President said at the African Summit.

It was a very well thought out strategic decision made after top Washington advisors including the National Security advisor, White House Chief of Staff and some Hollywood Directions watched the blockbuster I Am Legend 2 disc special with the President in the White House situation room.

In the movie a drug created initially to cure cancer … mutated into a lethal strain that rapidly infected humans causing them to turn into vampires that then bit other healthy humans spreading the disease globally. Although the newly mutated humans had super strength and fast reflexes, they reacted painfully to sunlight.

“With the amount of sun in Africa it will be very inhumane if the Ebola victims that are going to die anyway suddenly transformed into Vampires and had to suffer under the African sun” said a member of the World Health Organization who did not want to be identified.

CNN-goof-ebolaThis type of thinking is what makes Africa love the American Government so much. Even though they might misspell the name of African countries occasionally or mix up “Niger” and “Nigeria.” At their core, they do care about Africa.

They care so much that they are willing to sacrifice the lives of 2 of their own citizens while simultaneously putting the entire city of Atlanta at risk of an ebola a vampire outbreak. Just so they could properly test out an experimental drug before bringing it to Africa. Such generosity, such sacrifice and such bravery …

So while hundreds of Africans have died from the disease and thousand other infected Africans are pleading for the American experimental drug … the American government is patiently observing Nancy Writebol and Kent Brantley to see if they would “turn” Vampire like Sam the dog in I Am Legend. Who turned Vampire only seconds after being injected with a similar experimental serum.

And this is the American government’s fear! Which is that Africans went treated with the drug will get healed temporarily but then turn into Vampires and start biting each other. And this is a very understandable fear … after all if a 1000 Americans in Atlanta were suddenly diagnosed with Ebola … President Obama would likely say “Wait…America is not ready for an Ebola drug!”


Written By Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
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Author: Ofili

Words by Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
Follow him on Twitter
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31 comments on “#Obama Says Africa Not Ready For #Ebola Drug After Watching I Am Legend

  1. Ofili,
    If part of your secret mission on Ofilispeaks is SDBL (Slow Death By Laughter), then it’s proving successful. My stomach still hurts from Annointing Oil, now this?

    Okan’ube latest post is Sister SisterMy Profile

  2. Lewis on said:

    i love this article, somewhere in my twisted mind i thought about this .. y’all should go and watch World War Z again !!! LAMO !!!

  3. Koolaries on said:

    Hmm Ofilli, The Americans consented to be administered he experimental drug so they knew the chances of them getting cancer later on or growing an additional ear or as you say turning into vampires.

    If we bring it here, will our people understand the consequences, the maybes? and sign off consent.

    Its sad that infected people are suffering while America is still monitoring/holding back the drug “which miraculously appeared when one of their own got sick of the same Virus killing hundreds in Africa” but they do have a point.

    They should speed up their efforts though

    • A few questions that popped into my head from your last two paragraphs.

      Ehm, what happened to the researchers in Nigeria. Do Americans have two heads? Our biggest problem is that we have refused to develop capacity. What stops us from equally find a cure to Ebola?

      We are always waiting for others to find solutions to problems. When will we start being the go to point in a crisis situation?
      Monale latest post is (D)Ebola Unchained: The “D” is silent.My Profile

      • I was looking for this type of comment and Monale you didn’t disappoint! Is America our mother? We have no right or entitlement to this American made Ebola drug. The Americans were caring and resourceful enough to invest their time and resources to make a drug that might work. Nigerians can not just expect them to hand it over like it’s our birthright. If we want an Ebola drug, then we should go and make one for ourselves. So for once Ofili, I do not agree with you. Whatever Obama’s excuse, they should make Africans sweat for it!
        Pamela latest post is Dress to be Addressed!My Profile

    • jaguarnana on said:

      what are own scientist doing besides working in banks and oil companies?
      why should the Americans speed up their efforts in creating a drug that cures Ebola for the overpopulated Africans who can neither afford to pay for this drug if after numerous funds and researches has been poured in to creating it nor contribute in kind for creating it (I know no healthy African will volunteer to be experimented on).
      why are Africans just a swirling pot of MASS CONSUMERS ONLY?!!! (even of experimental drugs!)

  4. Did someone just say that Africans may likely not understand the consequences of taking a trial drug? Seriously what is there to understand. If the Americans who rceived the drug could understand the possible consequences including risk of cancer or turnin into vampires, then I don’t why we Africans cannot understand also unless our brains are inferior (nevermind that the other likely alternative for someone who doesn’t receive Zmapp is death).
    Anyway kudos to Obama. We really appreciate his deep concerns for us and we’ve always known that the US cares soo much for our beloved continent they wouldn’t want us to mutate into vampires or zombies
    chidi latest post is Girls don’t be stupid!! Marriage is not a way out of your troublesMy Profile

  5. In deep thoughts…about NigeriA, about the US, about international politicals. There’s much more to what we see or hear. Nothing is ever black or white. Thanks Ofili.

  6. …..And Pres. GEJ still continued the Summit?
    I hope Obama’s stance won’t change when ebola hits his father’s hometown in Kenya!

  7. Before the food and drug regulator of any country certifies any drug to be introduced into the market, such a drug must have at least passed through the 3 phases of clinical trials in which each phase has two stages; the final phase,the phase 4 where the drug is introduced into the market requires the company involved to still collate feedback from the users and this spans over a few years, before the drug is finally deemed safe enough to be used in any population. So many years would have passed, involving thousands of patients and even hundreds of millions, or billions of, dollars before such a drug makes it to the market. And believe me, even after this, such a drug would be damn expensive; and it also stands a risk of being withdrawn from the market if unforeseen adverse reactions are reported in patients in the medium or long long term.
    Okechukwu Amako latest post is Ebola virus and the Future of Containing very Highly Infectious Diseases.My Profile

      • If 1000 Americans have got Ebola, I think the US government will not administer any form of cure that has not been clinically verified yet.

        These guys are proactive people and they always think ‘consequences’. They do not wish to create a solution today that could generate into a problem tomorrow.

        I think all we can rely on now is continuous supportive therapy and increased awareness and education. Let’s tackle PANIC and IGNORANCE and then we continue to stay HOPEFUL.

      • jaguarnana on said:

        key word here AMERICANS not Africans.

        so Americans will do what is good for the Americans and right now watching this disease thin out our population is good for the Americans…thank you

  8. adetola adeyinka on said:

    To answer your question Ofili, if 1000 Americans get infected with the virus today, you will hear that this is a cure and not a test drug.

    • jaguarnana on said:

      they are not your big brother…bros

      get with the program, they are just your school father like the ones in kings college who have the sole right to kick your *ss first & more than the other seniors can.

  9. Elisabeth on said:

    I can’t laugh, or cry hard enough at this article.

    Completely with Monale, Jaguarnana and Pamela.

    America does not owe us anything.

    When will Africans be the place the world looks to in a crisis? We are here waiting for the US to send us a drug that is dealing with us more than it is dealing with them. When will we be the ones coming up to solutions to our own problems.

    Pending whenever the drug passes testing and all the administrative hoopla, we should start working on our own.

    Bitter Kola, Kola nut are worth looking at first. Who knows, there might be actually something to them that can just beat Ebola.

    BTW, am I the only one who finds it strange that there is a drug being tested for Ebola about the same time we have a breakout in the region? #Justsaying #Notintoconspiracytheorising

  10. You said in a comment above “IdaraO’Bonne Udo so let me see…Africa should start from scratch to find a cure for Ebola while we ignore the American already existing cure. Hmmm wonder how many people will die by the time that happens.”

    Yes, we should start from scratch if the Americans will not release theirs in due time. There is nothing wrong with the affected countries funding a group of researchers (they don’t have to be Africans but African funded) to come up with a solution. If they do not release the experimental drugs, we do not have anything to lose by coming up with our own solutions.

    Plus I think you are being sentimental with your if a thousand Americans were infected statement. There have been cases where terminally ill patients have been denied experimental medicine in the US. With Ebola, the chances of survival are higher in the US due to the high level of care. Even in Africa people have survived it with proper supportive care. Early diagnosis and early treatment would probably suffice in the US. Yes, they would probably jump through some hoops to hasten the approval of the drugs but informed consent would be huge. So they release it to Nigerians, who administers it? Not the govt because they would hoard it for their families. WHO maybe and what happens if there are later complications from using the drug. Conspiracy theories will abound. There are a lot of factors for the US to consider.

  11. Bia Ofili, kparikwa onwe gi o. I can’t believe i actually started reading this as a serious article. Imagine the look of incredulity on my face. Next time, abeg announce in bold letters that it is a satire o biko? Dalu.

  12. i totally agree with pamela and monale serously lets take it up as a challenge lets do our research and find a cure to this disease
    lets see it as an opportunity to do ourselves proud but lets imagine we find a cure to the disease how,who will use it.
    one of our problem as a nation and s a continent is dt we dont believe in ourselves we see ourselve as inferior when we have so much to offer

  13. Hilarious!!!

    Simply hilarious. The way you take very serious matters and make them sound so light. HILARIOUS!!!

    Meanwhile we are steadfastly looking up to America to provide a cure for the world. #SAD
    Nonso latest post is A RAT!!!My Profile

  14. This was quite hilarious, but also very serious. But the shocking factor, was that Ebola was first discovered as a strain over 40 years ago, and yet, there is no drug for it? Wow. must be some disease…
    Misha-willspeak latest post is Caution…My Profile

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