The Confessions Of The Boy Who Told The Truth

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confessionsxI confess that I am far from perfect. I don’t go to church as much as I should and I sometimes fall asleep when the pastor tells us to close our eyes for prayers. Also I don’t tithe. In fact the last time I tithed was a long time ago…I instead prefer to give my money to the family that is about to get kicked out of their wretched rundown building because of rent issues rather than one of those mega-churches trying to build the newest state-of- the-art church in Ikoyi.

I confess that I curse more than is acceptable by Nigerian standards, or international standards for that matter. I curse when NEPA takes light and when people piss me off. I confess that my cursing confession is not a good image for my profile as an African writer and motivational speaker but I can’t give a shit. The situation is too god darn frustrating sometimes.

I confess that I am honest to a fault…that I speak the truth when others are sleeping in a quagmire of bullshit. I confess that my honesty has gotten me in trouble with friends and co-workers. I confess that I can’t stop being honest, that I am no angel but at the same time I am no demon. I confess that if I see shit happening…I will yell “look at that shit happening!” I confess that I love FELA and Chinua Achebe and I wish that I could have hung out with them. I confess that, contrary to popular belief, the Biafran war was a travesty in Nigeria. I confess that I get pissed off when the country acts like the war never happened. I confess that I often fantasize about how life would have been if Biafra actually seceded. But then I realize that my parents would never have met and I would never have been born…so scratch that!

I confess that everything in this book will be written with the utmost honesty. I confess that people might not like what I write but I honestly don’t give a crap. I confess that I will write with all efforts to be as objective but as candid as possible. I confess that all the sketches in this book were drawn by me, but I confess that I got stole sketch ideas from sites like gapingvoid.com and sethgodin.com.

I confess that, similar to my sketch ideas, I stole some of my research ideas from books like There Was a Country and Start Up Nation and from watching hours and hours of TED talks.

I confess that I have no idea what accent I have. In America I sound Jamaican and in Nigeria I sound American. I confess that I will punch the next person who asks me if I speak Igbo and then shakes his head when I begin to speak because my accent sounds funny…and then I find out his children speak the Queen’s English and nothing else (oh there is a chapter on that)!

I confess that I don’t see the big hoopla around gay marriage. I mean I could care less what two consenting men do behind closed doors. Except if the men happen to be politicians deciding how to steal “our”…I take that back…Niger Deltan’s oil money. I confess that I am less worried about two men screwing each other and more worried about a politician screwing an entire nation…over and over again!

I confess that this book (I confess you can get the book here) will be one of the most candid and honest books you would have read in a long time. I confess that if you are not ready to get your head shit-smacked with the book, you should drop it, ‘cause it would change your perceptions about a lot of things. But then again, I confess that this book will make you laugh, so you should not really drop it.

I confess that I often write crazy chapter titles to shock people into reading my books. I confess that some of my crazy chapter titles include “Corruption is Like Sex” and “Our Dangerous Addiction to Intelligence.”

And I confess finally that I am blessed with a great family and friends that I sometimes neglect because of my introverted nature. But I do love them dearly and pray that I can make time so we can all spend time together.

These are my confessions and this is my book. I hope you like it…but then again the goal is not for you to like it but to be moved by it.

I finally confess that you can get the book here http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1296689049/how-intelligence-kills-the-inappropriate-truth

REFERENCES: My Freaking Head

NOTE: My Confessions is the foreword of Ofili’s new book How Intelligence Kills you can pre-order the book at http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1296689049/how-intelligence-kills-the-inappropriate-truth

twitterOfili is an author who blogs about life, success and entrepreneurial excellence Nigerian bullshit. Follow him on twitter, Facebook or subscribe to his blog for more honest talk and as @ofilispeaks on instagram for more sketches! To bring Ofili to your school or organization as a speaker simply go here. His third bookHow Intelligence Kills will be coming out in December of 2013.

Ofili

Author: Ofili

Words by Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
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44 comments on “The Confessions Of The Boy Who Told The Truth

    • Ofili

      More than laziness…way more. Trust me on that…my Dad is so excited by the book he keeps asking me whether it has been published.

  1. Amiphat on said:

    Hi Okey, its been a while since I commented on your blog. “While you’ve been writing”, we’ve been waiting for you to launch the book on I-books.

    “Confess” What’s with your Android romance?

    I would like to smell your book too but hey, help me fill my i-book library.

    Congrats dude!

    • Ofili

      Amiphat…the book will be able to come to itunes. But a lot of times itunes is not a priority because they are anti-africa in a way. They really don’t focus on Africa or consider us. And they have to many barriers of entry. O well…will sha put it up on i-something as soon as possible.

  2. Even if i wasn’t interested in the book before, i will be now. The next time anyone makes a crack about your accent, tell them you have it on good authority (up me jare), that you simply sound like an exposed Nigerian. And Segun is right. Over too much dey worry you!

  3. Walter on said:

    I love your confessions. Just don’t go to a confessional and say all this to a priest. Lol. And your book, please tell me it isn’t only available on Android… :/

  4. I downloaded “how laziness saved my life” with ease on my blackberry, and N200 worth of airtime was deducted. I hope the new book will also be easy to download, because one often has to jump through so many hoops to pay and to download such things, and your book has made me so lazy I don’t want to do that (wink) Looking forward to reading the new book.

  5. haha Nice! The truth will definitely set you free! I’m sure this book is gonna be a bestseller! I wish you addressed the left-handed issue in the book too, some Nigerians need to understand that being born left handed isn’t a crime! We are just like everyone else.

    • ouch…but I am right handed and we don’t like left-handed people. Jokes jokes…I feel you sha. The closest I have had to that is getting screamed at because I tried to collect food with my left hand. Like wth…we have bigger things to worry about than what hand to collect food with. O well.

  6. Ofili, I confess you don’t sound American! atleast I watched your TED talk in Maitama…and I hope you aint forming accent o! bcos if I cash you…lol!

    I love folks that speak excellent english! pure correct pronounciations, e.t.c..i know you understand what I mean.

    I can’t wait to read your book.

  7. My comment would have been a confession, but I’m too lazy to write. I also know that there are people addicted with intelligence, bulshitting my stance, but do I have to give a shite if you sound like me speaking igbo?

  8. I confess that I love your writing style, easy and fun to read. Confess I bought your 2 other books out of plain curiousity.
    I confess that you and I are kindred spirits, wondering about Biafra, not giving a damn about gays (like we don’t have enough problems to worry about, but I still did a double take when I saw 2 guys kissing on the street in San Fransisco)and swearing a little in appropriately.
    Can’t wait to read the new one.

  9. Still in the mood of confession; I must confess that you are a brilliant writer and anytime I read stuffs you wrote I sigh and wonder if writing is really my calling. I confess that I can’t wait to get this book. I also confess that I will proclaim this confession of yours. Weldone .

  10. Oluwasegun on said:

    I confess that I need a copy of How Laziness Saved My Life and I don’t know how to get it. I confess that I need your help on that. I finally confess that I use a BlackBerry.

    Great Confessions!

  11. funny confessions…nice one. i hope to read the book soon. I know it’ll be great…with your bluntness, great sense of humour and wonderful sketches

  12. I confess that I want to read this book, and I’d rather get an e-copy bcos I’m too lazy to open paperbacks. I confess that I’d also rather buy it on Okadabooks and read on the go, just like I did with “Laziness.” I also confess that this may be the last time I’ll comment on this site because your social media counter keeps blocking access to this comment space on my tab. Fix that, Ofili.
    Suyu Davies latest post is Of Copying and FelinesMy Profile

  13. Lol…I just saw this now. My Name is actually SUYI. Yeye counter didn’t let me see the typo. It’s still there though, the counter, But I’ll just ignore it and keep commenting on the site anyway. Big ups on the work, man.
    Suyi Davies latest post is Of Copying and FelinesMy Profile

  14. Collins Bannu on said:

    Father Ofili, I have a confession. I confess that I’m partially going insane just reading your foreward. I’ve never seen anythng as truthful as this. Dont know where av been all this while not to have known u, pls I need ALL the copies of d books u’ve written and yet to write, soft copies preferably. Twuale for u bros.

  15. Hi Ofili. Great write-up, but most of all, grrreat cover!! I love the concept, the idea with you and the party hat and your face buried into your palms (which is a whole contrast to party pose lol). It just shows the genuinity of the book, and I will confess I can’t wait to read it now.
    Oh look…another confession! Oops.
    Lool I love it. Thumbs up.

    P.S: I don’t tithe too. Yeah, like you I’d wanna feel guilty about about it, but then like you (again) I prefer giving that money to a orphanage, a rehab center, a hospital, a widows’ home or just someone who is in dire need of it. And when I see the smiles on those faces, I just know I’m doing the right thing. Maybe. Probably.
    Whichever way, we feel good about it, and that’s enough. Totally.

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