#MasterCard Now Official Sponsors Of The Federal Republic Of #Nigeria?
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Breaking Satirical News
MasterCard has become the official sponsor of the Federal Republic of Nigeria’s National Identification Card.
After years of dilly dallying from past administrations, Goodluck Ebele Jonathan has finally got it right. Not only are Nigerians getting a National ID card but they are also getting a debit card at the same time. According to MasterCard spokesperson the ID card is designed for security and it is loaded.
“It is has not 1 but 2 photographs, a chip with bio-metric information including 10 fingerprints and an eye scan as well as a recording of your DNA.” said MasterCard spokes person. With this level of security
someone is going to make loads of money on eye scanning machines corruption may finally be coming to an end in Nigeria!
Plus again, the national ID is sponsored by none other than MasterCard, who beat out both VISA and American Express as sponsors. American express reportedly refused to change their name to Nigerian Express and were understandably disqualified! After all nobody wants anything foreign on their National IDs!
The terms of the deal are shady as with everything Government.
But our research using past historical algorithms and commons sense says the deal will last precisely as long as Goodluck Ebele Jonathan remains in power. That is why VISA is actively working with APC to make sure that they can have their own candidate and VISA National ID card by 2015. Maybe now our elections will not be decided by rice!
Nigerians all over the world are excited about this new ID/Debit/Finger-Print/Eye-Scan card. Although this is not the first time an announcement like this has been made, it is the first time the National ID comes with an actual sponsor … so it must be real!
Plus this level of transparency puts the brakes on political corruption. No longer will things be done in the shadows. Instead other companies are coming out in the open to officially sponsor various parts of Nigeria.
Sources of ofilispeaks.com say that several new announcements will be made within weeks. Including the new Petroleum Bill which will now likely be sponsored by Chevron. And the Nigerian Constitution which will be sponsored by MTN.
The national soccer team is rumored to be likely sponsored by Dangote… who will unveil the new Dangote Super Eagles jersey in the upcoming African Cup of Nations! Watch out FIFA … Nigeria is about to violate another international rule.
The biggest beneficiaries are the Chinese who will no longer have to hide their financial control over Nigeria. As they will officially be buying the Nigerian Naira … now our currency will have pictures of Chinese and Nigerian leaders! Take that America!
Master card is wasting no time in releasing their new publicity campaign to roll out the new National ID/Debit-Card. And as you can trust we at ofilispeaks.com have a sneak peek…
Ice Cold Chapman … 500 Naira
Glover Court Suya Packet… 2000 Naira
Pure water satchets for when Suya pepper enters your Eye … 50 Naira
Using your National ID card to bribe police …
There are some people debit card can’t bribe … for everything else there is MASTERCARD
Accepted by everyone except LASTMA and Nigerian Police
Written and Illustrated By Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
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