The Amazingly Incredibly Big Big #Nigeria Hand Luggage Crisis

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bicycleThis past weekend I traveled to Amsterdam to do some script-writing training at Radio Netherland (rnw.org) and also to meet with some BBC reps (name dropping) concerning the What’s Up Africa show.

Anyway I was scheduled to come back to Nigeria the following week and I needed to get a new pair of black shoes…I knew I needed them because the current pair were becoming amoebic aka shapeless.

So I searched high and wide…mostly high (no pun intended), but I could not find a pair of black shoes. Actually I take that back…I could not find a pair of black shoes I liked. I wanted loafers with wide feet, the one you rocked with kaftan and could rock sock-less.

But all I saw in Amsterdam were this long laced boot looking type shoes. I must have gone to over 15 coffee shops shoe shops but nothing, not a single black pair of loafers I could buy. All I saw were tons of bicycles (another article for another day) nothing else. I eventually gave up …

Fast forward to my departure trip, the Morocco to Nigeria flight…you know that flight!

That flight that has more hand luggage than a hand luggage manufacturing factory! That flight where people are carrying around full suitcases in the airplane and claiming that it is hand luggage! That flight were people defy the laws of physics by squeezing their bags into the congested overhead compartments! You know that flight?

Well I was on that flight, but I was lucky to find space for my hand luggage, but others were not so fortunate. The Royal Air Morocco Hostess had already started handing out tags for the leftover hand luggage to be marshaled off the plane … when this Nigerian guy came in with a shopping cart!

luggage

Actually it was not a shopping cart, but from the way his bags were stacked, one could pardon my error because he had one huge gigantic bag on his back…while pulling another carry-on luggage which had two other “hand-luggage” attached to it! If Decepticons could transform into hand luggage they would have created this shit.  How he got all that through security is jaw dropping … hence my Decepticon transforming theory … but I digress!

He began pushing and re-arranging other people’s luggage in the overhead compartment.

They say matter is anything that has weight and occupies space … well that did not “matter” today because this dude was compressing other people’s matter like it had no weight and did not occupy space. He was compressing and crushing people’s belongings to fit his Decepticon hand luggage in the overhead.

That’s when the trouble started o … nothing pisses off a Nigerian faster then another man touching his hand luggage, but when you crush his hand luggage he can kill you! People started shouting and insulting the man … see yabbing sha. I was just there in the exit row, ready to jump out in case the insults escalated to physical abuse. But to my disappointment no fight happened … instead what I heard was a profound statement, it was actually a yab, but it was a profound yab. A guy across the aisle said and I quote…

“Bros all this one that you are packing we have already have this things in Nigeria, just check online and you will find it, they will even deliver it to your door.”

And that’s when I remembered my hunt for that black shoe…you remember, that original story I was telling you about in Holland before I diverted to Morocco? Well I ended up finding that black shoe, actually I found plenty black shoes. And it was all online! I found them browsing Nigerian websites while in Holland.

You see Nigeria, thanks to technical brilliance and foresight of a few is gradually killing the buy-it-in-the-abroad addiction Nigerians have.

Soon international flights to Lagos and Abuja will not have to see any more hand luggage wars, Air hostesses will no longer look in dismay as Nigerians fight to convince them that a 50 kg bag is really 33 kg. Soon and very soon that allure to travel in the abroad because they supposedly have better quality products will diminish … it’s already happening albeit at a very slow pace…but its happening!

twitterWritten By Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
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Ofili

Author: Ofili

Words by Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
Follow him on Twitter
Stalk him on Instagram
Read his crazy titled books on konga or okadabooks
Feed his children at…no wait he has no kids…. 

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12 comments on “The Amazingly Incredibly Big Big #Nigeria Hand Luggage Crisis

  1. I think we have a general problem with packing stuff wherever we go. Have you seen the kind of things people bring from their villages when returning to their city abodes? Yam barns, barrels of palm oil etc…. Like these things aren’t sold in the city too.
    Anyway I hope that one day we’ll no longer have to lug stuff from different countries because those things (at premium quality), will not only be locally available, they will be locally made.
    Adaeze latest post is Bottom powerMy Profile

  2. It’s true we have these things locally especially in Nigeria online store but the problem is how efficient they are? I placed an order for a particular product in nigeria number one online store(name withheld) that over two weeks it has not gotten to me. I was fed up and had to cancel the transaction. The should work on efficiency and timeliness in service delivery.

  3. It’s very true we have these things locally especially in Nigeria online store but the problem is how efficient they are? I placed an order for a particular product in Nigeria number one online store(name withheld) that over two weeks it has not gotten to me. I was fed up and had to cancel the transaction. The should work on efficiency and timeliness in service delivery.
    mudi latest post is YinkaMy Profile

  4. I doubt that some Nigerian reading this would take your advice, Ofili. To some, stuff gotten ‘overseas/abroad’ is the best-mind’s made up. It’s a ritual for them to just carry ‘decepticonized’ hand luggage.
    How we go take convince that kind person say Nigerian products are sometimes better and durable than ‘oyibo’ stuff?
    aduku latest post is If OnlyMy Profile

    • The foreign=superior mindset in Nigeria is changing slowly. Very slowly.
      It really depends on how “long” your money is. Good quality can be gotten either in Nigeria or abroad, if you have enough money. Of course, it also depends on what you’re buying. Not all Nigerian industries are on par with their foreign counterparts.
      Yemisi latest post is Giving Begets Getting: The Instagram PhilosophyMy Profile

  5. True Talk!! Everything is online in Naija these days.

    As for the hand luggage crisis – I think the fun is in the thrill of being able to pass of 22 kg as 7kg. #speaking from experience

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