Lucky Number Seven
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Since we created okadabooks.com…my favorite past time is trolling through Nigerian blog sites to source for amazing writers with amazing writings. And this weekend I stumbled upon Femi Famutimi of http;//ideauniverse.com. This is the excerpt that made me fall in love (#noHomo) with his writing…and reinforeced my belief that Nigerians can write!
So, here I was, sitting in a café, waiting for some smoking hot UNILAG chic to show up. I had spent the last three days talking to random chicks, fighting the urge to bolt or do anything crazy and I was convinced I had it all under control.
Suddenly, there was a slight tremor as the door opened and someone walked in. I was having a cappuccino and I swear it, my little cup was shaking on the table. I looked up at the source of it all, and saw the largest girl that ever lived. You know, the one they make jokes about that they had to take her class picture from a helicopter so that her whole body would get into the picture. The ones that if they fell on you, the squash you like a pancake and they’d have to peel you off her and stuff. Yeah, she was that large.
She had like 3 chins and a bust that would crush a tractor rather easily. I would swear she was carrying another being in her stomach, and no, not a fetus, it had to be a fully grown human. With every step she took, the café trembled a little. She made her way to my table… wait! My table??? I was turning white with fear, all my composure was gone. I closed my eyes and prayed silently ‘let her just want to borrow a cup of sugar’ she stopped in front of me and said
“Hey, you wanted a Unilag chic?” my jaw dropped. What! Was this her? What the fuck are the big boys and aristos into nowadays??? I thought the senators and the big boys went for slim, portable chics, not monsters!
“Err…have a seat.” I said. She smiled; apparently she was used to this reaction….see what happened next at http://bit.ly/okadabook
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