A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn’t transition well to adult life, that you’d fall right through the cracks. And look at you now. La di da, it’s happening.

Your mother, your father, your grandparents: they all look at you like you’re some prized jewel and they tell you over and over again just how lucky you are to be young and have your whole life ahead of you. “Getting old ain’t for sissies,” your father tells you wearily.

You wish they’d stop saying these things to you because all it does is fill you with guilt and panic. All it does is remind you of how much you’re not taking advantage of your youth.

You want to kiss all kinds of different people, you want to wake up in a stranger’s bed maybe once or twice just to see if it feels good to feel nothing, you want to have a group of friends that feels like a tribe, a bonafide family. You want to go from one place to the next constantly and have your weekends feel like one long epic day. You want to dance to stupid music in your stupid room and have a nice job that doesn’t get in the way of living your life too much. You want to be less scared, less anxious, and more willing. Because if you’re closed off now, you can only imagine what you’ll be like later.

Every day you vow to change some aspect of your life and every day you fail. At this point, you’re starting to question your own power as a human being. As of right now, your fears have you beat. They’re the ones that are holding your twenties hostage.

Stop thinking that everyone is having more sex than you, that everyone has more friends than you, that everyone out is having more fun than you. Not because it’s not true (it might be!) but because that kind of thinking leaves you frozen. You’ve already spent enough time feeling like you’re stuck, like you’re watching your life fall through you like a fast dissolve and you’re unable to hold on to anything.

I don’t know if you ever get better. I don’t know if a person can just wake up one day and decide to be an active participant in their life. I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that people get better each and every day but that’s not really true. People get worse and it’s their stories that end up getting forgotten because we can’t stand an unhappy ending. The sick have to get better. Our normalcy depends upon it.

You have to value yourself. You have to want great things for your life. This sort of shit doesn’t happen overnight but it can and will happen if you want it.

Do you want it bad enough? Does the fear of being filled with regret in your thirties trump your fear of living today?

We shall see.”"

— You’re Not Making The Most Of Your 20s by Ryan O’Connell

The first time I heard about Biafra was while reading the Steve Jobs autobiography by Walter Isaacson. The second time I heard about it was while watching the Nigerian version of the Rick Ross “Hold Me Back” video.

To put this in perspective, I lived in Nigeria for 18 continuous years, went to nursery school, primary school, secondary school and if it counts A-level college…all in Nigeria. I did Social Studies and History along the way…took numerous notes and read plenty text books. And at no time in my long Nigerian school history was I taught about the Biafran war. It did not appear in my JAMB exam, common entrance exam, JSS exam or SSCE exam or any of the many exams the average Nigerian kid is blessed forced to write. And I definitely did not see any documentary’s on TV or radio. It was as if the war never happened…

Or at least we like to act like the war never happened. It was as if we went out of our way to erase every trace of the war from our memory. It is omitted from our history and our educational curriculum.

So the only history we have has been largely oral, from the stories of people who experienced the war to others who heard stories from those that experienced the war. And for years this is how the war has been documented…orally….from generation to generation. And perhaps one day we would all wake up and find the war erased from our memories.

But it won’t disappear…because civil war did not end in 1970, it still goes on today. It is not in the same bloody manner as the first civil war, there are no guns being shot, explosion being triggered, there are no children starving or armies fighting…there is none of that. Instead the war has shifted into stealth mode…a quiet war. An ethnic type of war fought in small pockets across Nigeria, on our streets, in our schools and in our politics. It is a kind of clandestine war of ethnicity that pits one ethnic group against the other.

People want to hire their own tribe, others want to marry from their own village all because this ethnic group hates that other ethnic group and so on. Nigeria as we stand is united on paper but fragmented in reality.

Fragmented, largely,  because we have chosen not to remember face our history. But until we face the past, we will not be ready to face the future. Until we can discuss, teach and debate about the civil war in our classrooms and radio stations we will continue to wage a quiet civil war. We would try and patch it with presidential rotations (south and north) and other quasi solutions, but it would not solve anything until we tackle our issues head on.

But sadly Nigeria suffers from severe memory loss. Not because we can’t remember, but because it is easier to forget. Forgetting requires no effort. So we forget events and dates. We even forget the meaning of the words in our National Anthem, for instance…“the labors of our heroes past shall never be in vain…”

Because for years the labors of our heroes past has been in vain. Because we forgot what they died fighting for. We forget that on June 12th 1993 a certain man IBB cancelled, for no reason what so-ever, the freest and fairest presidential election in Nigerian history. And that as recent as 2011 that same man IBB…the one who for no reason cancelled the 1993 presidential election attempted to run for President. It takes a nation that forgets for that to even happen. If June 12th had been made a public day or better yet the national democracy day, I doubt that IBB would have been bold enough to even think of running.

And while we are on the topic of forgetfulness, let’s not forget about Ken Saro Wiwa, civil rights activist who led a peaceful protest against the destruction of the Ogoni land by big oil companies, only to be tried and hanged murdered by a kangaroo court. What happened after his death? Did Ogoni land get better? Did we get a Ken Saro Wiwa holiday? Or a Ken Saro Wiwa Federal road? In fact according to the guardian UK, the Nigerian senate rejected proposals for an annual Ken Saro-Wiwa Day, rejected proposals to have a street named after him and ultimately rejected proposals to have a national monument created in his honor. It was as if his death like the war never happened.

And we need to change that. It is a travesty when our children know more about the American Civil war and World Wars than they do about the Civil War that happened in their own background. That is outrageous. Nigeria needs to start telling its history to its children. Our children like me should not have to learn about Nigeria from foreigners that live thousands of miles away. That has to change.

Now I am not saying we should talk about the war to figure out who is right or wrong, which I think is the fear of many. I believe we need to talk about the war and other ethnic issues so that we can become comfortable with ethnicity. The moment Nigerians become comfortable and can discuss freely about ethnicity with other ethnic groups, that is the moment the civil war will begin to end.

I conclude with the words of Stephen Colbert:

“There’s an old saying about those who forget history. I don’t remember it, but it’s good.”

In the same way there are many things Nigeria can learn from its history. Ironically we don’t remember them…but we swear it’s good! Let’s remember our history…

Illustration courtesy of ofilispeaks.com and picture courtesy of LIFE Magazine

This entry is an excerpt from the upcoming book How Intelligence Kills: A Critical Look At Our Dangerous Addiction To Religion, Intelligence and Respect.

Ofili is an author who blogs about life, success and entrepreneurial excellence. Follow him on Twitter , Facebook or subscribe to his blog for more honest talk! To bring Ofili to your school or organization as a speaker simply go here. His third book is titled How Intelligence Kills Us and will be coming out in the second quarter of 2013 (he hopes). To read his other books for free on your android phone go to http://bit.ly/freelaziness

Anyway she wrote this awesome honest review…and I had to share it with the ninjas out there…

“Ofili called me a devil, and he is right!. While reading Ofili’s newest book, How Intelligence Kills Us, I was very angry. I was angry with the government, angry with the politicians, angry with the school system, angry with the teachers, angry with the pastors, angry with the parents, angry with the devil, and then he called me a devil, and I was speechless. He is right though, because as Nigerians we spend so much time being angry with the wrong people, castigating our nation and its shortcomings. This book has shown me that any real change that will happen in this country depends on me. And thank God it’s not too late. A definite must-read! (especially the section: ‘A Nation is not Great Because it Prays, But Rather…’)”

Reviewed by Osayi Osar-Emokpae Social Media guru | Author of Impossible is Stupid find more about it here http://impossibleisstupid.com. A Christfollower and storyteller who blogs at http://iyasostuff.com and http://iyasostuff.wordpress.com. And also tweets at https://twitter.com/iyasostuff. Strong denier of the fact that Stupidity Saved Her Life…

It’s not being liked, or having a huge social media presence, or having amazing products that nobody buys. It is not about having a beautiful website, or perfectly crafted email newsletters, or an incredibly popular blog.

In larger business, this is called accountability to shareholders. Business is not a popularity contest. The CEO does not get away with saying, “But look at all these people who like us on facebook!” Shareholders will not accept that. You are the majority shareholder in your business, and you have to protect your investment. You have to make sure that your recurring activities are as directly tied to making money as possible. There’s nothing wrong with having a hobby, but if you want to call it a business, you have to make money.

Naomi Dunford former teenage Mum at 17, high-school drop out and founder/owner of consulting firm IttyBiz “Marketing for businesses without marketing departments.”

— Raymond Carver

But it was not just the numbers that made me YIKES, it was what they said about the book. Even though I wrote it from a Nigerian perspective for Nigerians, it was still able to resonate miles away with people I had never seen or meet. Maybe they (the editors) were sweet talking me cause they wanted me to pick theirs bids, who knows. Whatever the case the comments were quite smashing…

And O might I add that I sent it out to like 20 of my friends. Normally my friends don’t read my manuscripts (I love you guys) but this time they are actually reading it. This must be a sign…

Anyway enough of my bragging blabbing here is some of what the critics said about the ish I wrote:

You currently have twenty three proposals and growing by the second. Usually I would bypass your job because of this. However, I am in love with your subject matter and would be delighted for the opportunity to work on your manuscript. -elance.com editor

I got to work by 6:47am today (the best way to avoid traffic) and had my breakfast by 7:15am but instead of a bowl of Kellogg’s Fruit and Fibre, I ate a big bowl of “How Intelligence Kills” served on a Dell Inspiron mini. It was a good read. I enjoyed every part of it, I loved the way it went against belief systems we hold dear and exposed the poison gland. We suspected its existence but were too lazy to locate it and suck it out. I salute your courage to go against the norm and hope more people will catch the vibe and move beyond talking about revolutions to actually leading one even with the glaring reality that you may be the only soldier in your army for a while. -Ngozi Ilondu of http://www.wyrbo.blogspot.com/

Omg, the church chapter is funny! And your mum sounds fiery. My own parents are not spiri-koko cause popsi is a muslim. So the whole tolerance and moderation stuff is practiced in my house. Oh and I thought it was just me that used to have that “something is choking me” dream. Lwkmd. Funny how I stopped seeing demons and they all went away. Lol. And yes! Those bloody questions “did you go to church? Did you pray for me?” Na wetin?! -RED

I have reviewed your sample and I am very interested in copyediting and proofreading this manuscript. I am intrigued by your writing. This is very original and I would be honored to work with you to prepare your manuscript for print. -elance.com editor

Ofili is an award winning literary writer motivational speaker, author, success coach and successful entrepreneur who blogs about life, success and entrepreneurial excellence. Follow him on twitter , facebook or subscribe to his blog for more success TIPS!” To bring Ofili to your school or organization as a speaker simply go here.

It talks about Religion, Education and Nigeria in a very frank and honest manner that I have not seen written before. It does not beat around the bush or use stories to hint at a sub-plot with an ulterior meaning. It just says it as it is as is evidence in some of the chapter titles “corruption is like sex” “how we beat the freaking creativity out of our children” and “ How Respect Might Be Killing Nigeria.”

Also thanks to all those that kept pushing me to complete the book, especially Kene Nkwontah, appreciate the constant reminders. Thanks Ngozi Ilondu and Abiola Bashorun as well. And to everyone else out there that has asked…how is your book going. Those little words have many times helped me get through a writing slump, thanks for asking. It is not done yet, as we still have to get someone to edit, layout, re-design the book cover, get testimonials, jump of a cliff…etc…

Below is the screenshot of my computer at 8:12 PM Sunday evening May 19th, 2013 when the book was officially done. Check out the chapter listing below…hope you are excited like me!

How Intelligence Kills: The Chapters
1. Foreword My Confession
2. How Intelligence Kills Us (Part 1)
3. The Akpos Dilenma: Is He Stupid Or Not
4. How We Beat The Freaking Creativity Out Of Our Kids
5. We Come In Peace
6. How I Got My Driver’s License
7. Corruption Is Like Sex
8. Hug People And Not Just Those With Big Boobs (Eye Service Wan Kill Us)
9. How Ajebuta’s Could Save Nigeria
10. If You Are An Asshole In Real Life Social Media
11. A Nation Is Not Great Because It Prays But Rather…
12. Shuffering and Shmiling: The Addiction Begins
13. Our Dangerous Addiction To Religion
14. The Best Religion In The World
15. Why All Great Businesses Should Tell Great Lies
16. Who The Heck Kidnapped Mr.Biggs And Stole His Jelly
17. The Trash Can That Was Too Small
18. 4 Things That Happen When Shit Happens In Nigeria
19. Our Fundamental Right To Shit With Dignity
20. Its A National Crisis When A Nation Can’t Spell National Crisis
21. What I Learned About Nigeria When (Dana) Crashed
22. My Beef With Things Fall Apart
23. Biafra: How Engineering Saved My Father’s Life
24. An Hausa man, A Yoruba Man and An Igbo Man
25. How Respect Might Be Killing Nigeria
26. How Intelligence Kills Us (Part 2 The Crime Scene)
27. Conclusion: Why Our Educational System Is A Death Trap And 7 Ways To Fix It
28. The Call To Action: My Letter To My Generation
29. Advance Praise I mean Insult For How Intelligence Kills

Ofili is an award winning literary writer motivational speaker, author, success coach and successful entrepreneur who blogs about life, success and entrepreneurial excellence. Follow him on twitter , facebook or subscribe to his blog for more success TIPS!” To bring Ofili to your school or organization as a speaker simply go here.

During most of March and April I have had serious electricity and water issues in my house.  This makes a person completely desperate and makes them vulnerable to everything.  You feel like doing absolutely nothing because in some ways you can’t actually do anything.  You go to get yourself food but you can’t wash your hands or wash the food or cook the food (no electricity) and in the end all the food ends up spoiling! Not to mention that you can’t bathe, you can’t flush your toilet, and you are constantly hot and sweaty because there’s no light (this is what we called ‘electricity in Nigeria).

Up until yesterday, the water situation was so bad that I’d been taking bucket baths.  Something that I am so not used to doing at all.  And in my present condition isn’t even advisable or good for me.

I am in limbo at the moment, trying to get things sorted out, fall into place and to come together.  I am really relying on God to see me through at this time.

Nigeria is getting me down these days.  Not that life is ‘so bad’ or anything but everyone is so apathetic and accepts things as they are.  This can be so hard for me.  Things shouldn’t be this way, people shouldn’t just say okay, or just say, ‘well, that’s Nigeria for you…’  This apathy is exactly the reason why things just won’t change!  It makes me so tired and exhausted.  Abuja recently put in working traffic lights, but sometimes people refuse to obey them and then the whole thing is completely worthless.  You get these terrible tangled cobweb traffic jams that can take an hour to get out of for no reason. Nigeria can and should be better.

Everyone at the top should be ashamed and everyone at the bottom should be screaming.  It’s no wonder that organizations like Boko Haram (no matter how crazy their ideals are to me) and MEND exist.  Sometimes, I wonder why there aren’t more outspoken figures and groups.  Sometimes, I wonder why the police themselves don’t rise up against and fight for their rights.  They are the ones that are on the streets supposedly ‘taking care of business’ and they are given enough power to frustrate the average citizen but not enough to make change and their own salaries are so small that they too must be corrupt and take from the average citizen to survive and feed their families…

Something has got to give…

God help us all.

One American woman’s true story of life in Nigeria living as an expat. I butcher the local languages every day, I stand out everywhere I go, but everyday there’s a new adventure that lies ahead. This is my Nigerian Life.

For more of my language butchering and NEPA cursing analysis adventures visit my blog at http://thisnigerianlife.blogspot.com/

Picture of little girl courtesy of http://lagosisland.forumotion.net/t323-faces-of-nigeria-nigerian-teens

See the rules below and let me know what you thinketh…

1. If you are in love with an idea you are no judge of its beauty or value.
2. It is difficult to see the whole picture when you are inside the frame. (love this)
3. After learning the tricks of the trade don’t think you know the trade.
4. We hear and apprehend what we already know.
5. The dog that stays on the porch will find no bones.
6. Never state a problem to yourself in the same terms it was brought to you.
7. If its off beat or surprising its probably useful.
8. If you do not expect the unexpected, you will not find it.
9. Don’t get too serious.
10. If you hit the bulls-eye every time…the target is too near! (my fav)

Ofili is an award winning literary writer motivational speaker, author, success coach and successful entrepreneur who blogs about life, success and entrepreneurial excellence. Follow him on twitter , facebook or subscribe to his blog for more success TIPS!” To bring Ofili to your school or organization as a speaker simply go here.

I never understood why he waited till I was 30 before telling me stories of the war, maybe he wanted me to be a bit mature. To be honest that would not have been a surprise because many of the stories he told were heart-wrenching and cringe worthy. Such as the stories of the pogrom where people were slaughtered en-masse and their dead bodies loaded onto trains and sent into villages in the East or the time when a Young Doctor arrived home from work only to be sprayed to death by the random bullets of the Russian MIG planes. I always wondered how he remembered the exact type of air-craft that was attacking them, but as more stories unfolded, I began to realize that airplanes and sporadic shooting had begun a daily part of life in the East. Much like NEPA taking light is routine, aircraft’s spraying villages and cities with bullets was normal.

So normal was the occurrence that it led to some funny stories. I remember the story about a church marriage. The couple had just made their wedding vows and topped it off with the classic phrase “for better for worse” when a Russian MIG airplane probably sent by God to test their faith…began spraying church. By the time the commotion had subsided, the church was in tatters. And the newly wedded couple? The groom had completely disappeared, leaving his wife behind in the church. I guess for better or worse did not include 100’s of bullets falling from the sky.

PART II
Now it was agreed that in the advent of an attack on Port-Harcourt, that all the refinery engineers and technicians would meet up in the Imo city of Owerrinta (which means small Owerri). These arrangements were made because engineers and technicians were prized assets in the war. So their movement and security was paid special attention. At Owerrinta they met with the local Nigerian engineers from the Shell production companies. These were the people responsible for providing the oil that the refinery processed. All of them were eventually moved to Uzoakoli secondary school, where a quasi-research team from Shell Nigeria and BP Nigeria had already began building a refinery.
(Now at this point I interrupt my Dad, to ensure that he knows what he is saying…cause I did not believe it was possible to build a refinery under those circumstances, it was a war, and they had only been taught about how a refinery worked but not to build it!)

But my Dad insisted that they did actually build a refinery, they were able to build it from salvaged parts from the old refinery and scrap metals that were welded together.

The first refinery had already been built before my Dad’s team had got there, but still they had a chance to influence the design of the refinery as they had first hand knowledge on how a refinery was operated. The new refinery was eventually completed and they were able to independently get it functioning and refining oil…

Excerpt from my latest book “Our Dangerous Addiction To Intelligence” coming sooon…I swear…real soon…definitely will be out before NEPA stops taking light in your House =D