Buhari: The Intervew
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Journalist: Evening your excellency…how are your cows today?
Buhari: Fine fine … as you know all of my cows are pure breed honest cows with no trace of corruption in their system!
Journalist: Weird answer but okay … back to Nigeria. We at NTA wanted to know if you intend to keep or remove Fuel Subsidy?
Buhari: That will not be needed at all! You see by eliminating corruption in NNPC we would be able get our refineries working again and when that happens we will not have to depend on foreign refined oil ever again. Remove corruption and fuel subsidy will remove.
Journalist: Awesome … what about Boko Haram? What are your plans to tackle them.
Buhari: You see Boko Haram was created from corruption, live on corruption and survive on corruption. Once we eliminate corruption we would eliminate Boko Haram. So we are creating a multi-functional anti-corruption task force made up of America, Chad, Niger, UK and Cameroon corruption armies … Boko Haram will have no chance! Insha’allah!
Journalist: What about the educational sector … we are not hearing much about that these days?
Buhari: Look its simple, on Education we need to get rid of all the corrupt teachers/cleaners and perform an audit on students results from 2015 to 2011 to expose all fraudulent results. Only then can we get Nigeria back on track…
Journalist: Even cleaners?
Buhari: Yes…corruption must be cleaned out from the bottom to the top.
Journalist: You know what … never mind … so what about unemployment? Let me guess “corruption”
Buhari: Yes! You see by forming a special task force to strategically battle corruption we would be able to create more jobs for our youths.
Journalist: I really don’t understand the relationship….but let’s go to the last question. Nigerians want to know … when will you make your assets public?
Buhari: The corruption from the past administration was so so deeply spread into our system that it is preventing me from declaring my assets publicly. But once I eliminate corruption, I will declare my assets!
PS: This is satire not real news…I repeat not real news.
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