Book Of Life: Please Don’t Judge Me (Another Scary But True Story)

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the-book-of-life-trailer-posterSo I have been trying to avoid telling this story but the holy spirit has been poking abi schuking my heart so today I capitulated …

About 2 weeks ago I decided to go to see an early showing of the movie THE BOOK OF LIFE. I normally go to watch those kind of Disney/children’s movies because it gives me writing inspiration (that’s my excuse and I am sticking to it!).

So I go to the movie cinema and purchase my ticket and then head to theater number 17. I am the first person in the theater so I locate myself in the middle of the theater (my favorite spot). I settle down and start enjoying the pre-previews a term that movie addicts might understand. After the pre-previews are over the real official previews start and that is when it happens…

I have no idea what movie was being previewed at the exact moment it happened, but they were mostly kid friendly previews like BIG HERO 6 and Jamie Foxx’s ANNIE. So it was a surprise when I heard a little girl scream right behind me.

It was not that oh I am so excited two-second long scream … it was more like that annoying new-born baby oscillating continuous scream! The one you only saw heard in Hollywood horror movies right before the bad guy chops the screaming victims head off.

But back to the screaming.

She was screaming so loud that I lost track of where I was for a second. Instinctively, I turned around to see what was the matter … that’s when she said hysterically “RAT RAT … I saw a RAT … it crawled all over me.”

Now don’t get me wrong, I love animals, heck I love Splinter from the Ninja Turtles but un-mutated rats … especially the one that made that girl scream the way she screamed. Emmm heck no!

So this was still the previews so the theater was not that packed plus it was a special screening so it was just a handful of Mother-sons and Father-daughter combinations in the theater. I say that because this guy … a Dad who came to see the movie with his daughter came up to us … he wanted to find out what the whole fuss was about.

So I told him about the rat and the screaming girl. By this time screaming girl had retreated to the edge of theater in fear. So super hero Dad pulls out his cellphone flash light app and says let’s look for the rat … I understand what he is trying to do, he wants to show all the kids in the theater that there was nothing to be frightened about. So I pull out my cell phone and try to find my flashlight app to join him (reluctantly) in the rat hunt …

I tried to take a step and that’s when I realized I had been standing on the theater chair the entire time. I swear I don’t remember how I got on there … but somehow at the mere mention of rat my body had somehow subconsciously jumped on the chair without me knowing (don’t judge me please).

Now understand, this is a room filled with parents and children and the only emmmmm youngish guy was standing in fear on a theater chair. I had never been so embarrassed … actually I have but that would spoil the story flow.

So after embarrassingly getting down from the chair, I fiddled around with my phone and pretended to look around the theater for the missing rat and used one kin 007 style to sneak out of the theater.

After a few minutes … I smuggled myself back into the theater, but sat on the first seat I saw … right on the edge of theater. I was too embarrassed and did not want to see the same people who saw me cowering on a chair but more importantly, if another rat came out … I wanted to be close to the exit! But hey … don’t judge me!

twitterWritten By Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
Follow him on Twitter
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Read his crazy titled books on konga or okadabooks
Feed his children at…no wait he has no kids…but he has a BB that has sadly reached its limit.

Ofili

Author: Ofili

Words by Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
Follow him on Twitter
Stalk him on Instagram
Read his crazy titled books on konga or okadabooks
Feed his children at…no wait he has no kids…. 

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41 comments on “Book Of Life: Please Don’t Judge Me (Another Scary But True Story)

  1. LOOOOOOOOOOOL. Tears in my eyes.

    That’s your own version of “The Book of Life”. Life as it happened to you in the theater.

    You should write a book with a title like “How Fear Makes You Stand on a Theater Chair”

  2. Lol. Well the holy spirit threw you on that chair for starters. James bond style to run off the theatre ke? Naija child will be like…uncle Ofilli where are you going even if you are not her Uncle.
    Mojisola ☺

  3. Kai brother Ofili, you fall my hand o. Hahaha kai if you see the rat in my school ehn, rats like rabbits even bigger than some cats. I have them as roomies sef. In my part one we named one after an absentee roomie. As you big and tall reach ehn you still dey fear hahaha. Would have been nice if the girl saw you later and called you the fraidy guy. Hahaha. Was expecting a serious talk from the beginning o. Nice one

  4. Chibuzo on said:

    Lol….I bet the girl hence screamed on your behalf while you acted the fear!….haha! The Fear of rat has no respect for age!

  5. Toonna on said:

    “…but the holy spirit has been poking..”

    Nice funny story, but I don’t get the wanton reference to ‘holy spirit’ in the tale or the comments, especially in regard of those who hold such an entity in revered regard. Am I missing something?

  6. LOL at Holy Spirit rat! Anyways, you were really- scared bro! A grown big man like you scared of rat. hehehhehehe

  7. jaguarnana on said:

    hahaha…. tear are literally streaming down my eyes as I read this in the office while my PM stares suspiciously over his glasses at me.

    This is so hilarious….. and I agree rats are eeky. I can grab a dog, goat, rabbit, snake, ram, cat, horse… (name any common naija house hold animal) but I literally shiver at the sight of a rat. Those creatures are so sneaky and smart I fear they might have human capabilities i swear.

  8. Queen E on said:

    I am judging you Ofili!!!! Hahahaha!
    I thought you were a rat slayer. Disappointed much…! but it cracked me up!
    Ok now back to my books…..

  9. nyiedum ufot on said:

    Really funny. Silverbird ph actually has rats the size of cats pounding in the roof, infact one ran over me the last time. Lol.

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