Help Me Edit The MADE IN ABA Chapter

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st_luggage0610So between finishing up the layout for How Intelligence Kills I am also cleaning up a chapter that is needed to conclude/compliment one another secret chapter like this. But I need it edited…so I was like…hmmm. All this ninja’s will always be correcting/editing my blog writing…so I was like, why not throw this Chapter out there for people to legally edit? What do you think? You think you can do it?

Basically if you see an error or mistake in the article I mean chapter, just put it in the comments below. Have fun with it. The 5 people I deem to have provided the best editorial feedback will win a free copy of my intelligence…I kid I kid, you will win a free copy of How Intelligence Kills. Let’s see your editorial skills…your edits might enter the book. And the winner will get a free 30 minutes phone call from me and I will answer all your questions on business and life.

CHAPTER BEGINS:

I love my Mum and you should too, but no matter how much you love her, never follow her to an international airport. Especially…when she is flying back to Nigeria from Obodo Oyibo (the home of the foreigners). If you do, you are almost guaranteed to become a weight connoisseur, slang for a person that makes heavy luggages (clearly above the weight limit) lighter by packing and unpacking and shifting several contents of the luggage until either it is below the weight limit or the onlooking airport officials take pity on you are frustrated with your mess and let you through with an extra kilogram or 2.

This happens every time we go to any airport with the exception of the Muritala Mohmmaed Airport for obvious reasons.

We have even tried weighing the luggage at home before departing. But to no avail, my mum simply ignores it. Somehow she expects the luggage to miracoulously reduce in weight over the 30 minute drive to the airport. But for years that has never happened…the luggage is still over weight. And when the attendants tells her the obvious, she turns to us and says this people are so wicked…its not wickedness I try to say, but my thoughts never transform into words as I am forced to drag yet another piece of luggage off the weight scale to be re-arranged and re-weighed.

My mum once carried a luggage as tall as a full sized midget and tried to convince the airline personnel that it was hand luggage. It must have been hand luggage for giants! But somehow she was able to get it on the plane! But that was nothing compared her mirror stunt in 1995. It all started in a store in Houston, my mum saw this mirror and immediately decided that it was the most beautiful thing she has ever set her eyes on (obviously she was looking at herself!).

She was determined that it (the mirror) was going to go to Nigeria with her. How she pulled this off could only be descried as the stuff of legends, she carried the mirror as wide as a large picture frame as hand luggage, through the Houston International Airport and the Amsterdam International Airport. In both scenario’s she was able to convince herself and the airport officials surprisingly that her large mirror was hand luggage. They believed it, either out of frustration or illusionalism[sic]. To this day, the mirror sits on our living room wall and sometimes I want to go up to the wall and say “mirror mirror on the wall, do you know the shit we went through to get you up that wall?” But I am sure the mirror would be quiet.

Sadly her situation is non peculiar. In Nigeria we try and carry everything from overseas to Nigeria…car parts, perfume, alcohol, accent…everything. Just enter economy class of the average Nigerian bound flight and you would understand what I mean. There you will find the largest hand luggages ever made…and if you dare arrive late…you are almost guaranteed not to have any space for your small laptop bag.

We are so notorious that we end up facing discrimination by the airlines. Once we start heading to Nigeria, the air-hostess attitude changes. The aggression comes out and the airport staff discriminate against Nigerian hand luggages, small or big. But why? How did we get here?

In 1994 I was perched on the top bunk of one of many dormitory rooms at my secondary school, when I was woken by the sound of laughter from underneath my bunk bed. To see what all the hoopla was about, I turned my head but gently so as not to arouse anyone to my hidden presence. From the top of the bed I could see 3 seniors a set above me and one junior a set below me in intense engagement.

The junior was standing with his face down, and all I heard was “made in Aba,” “made in aba,” “that’s how your people are always spoiling market.” To this day I don’t know why I remember this incident. Why it has never left my memory, but maybe I do and I am denial. Because I remember myself in JSS 2 at the age of 12 thinking to myself, “but what is wrong with made in Aba?”

But I never said a word. A junior standing up against 3 seniors to protect another junior in a set lower than him had never happened in the history of Nigerian boarding schools, and if it did that junior is probably still missing. So I kept my mouth shut and watched the 11 year old, face down, quiet and sad as he was mocked about his slippers. Which were an apparent knock off version of the Kito slippers that had rained in the 1990’s. Kito’s? A rubber amalgamation of gum and more rubber that created a slipper with a sole so thick, it made a short man think he was Michael Jordan. Ironically Kito’s were not the greatest quality products out there. But somehow the junior appeared to be wearing a knock off version of the Kito’s. So the seniors continued, joking and mocking as they chanted: “made in aba,” “made in aba.” And the poor junior just looked down sad, wondering why he was being mocked…

So where exactly is Aba? What are they popular for and how did “made in Aba” become grounds for insults.

But before I answer that, let’s go back to my previous question in the last chapter: Why are Nigerians not producing patents or producing as much stuff as their potential should?

brandedLooking beyond the obvious…the poor state of our schools and other socio-economic factors I think it is because we suffer from Comparison Block. Comparison block is a term I coined up to describe when a group of people look down upon an evolving idea because it looks shabby compared to an already existing and well developed predecessor. It is when a pair of canvas made by a local vendor in one village in Nigeria is compared to a Micheal Jordan shoe made in America China. Which brings me to another “made in,” the “made in China” the “Aba” of the world in the 1990’s. Anything bootleg, from Jordan’s to Tommy Hilfiger shirts and even Chinese movies…was considered “made in China.” It was like an insult…if you wore a shirt that had made in China on it, you would be looked at with disdain. Fast forward 20+ years and now you have high quality products from iphones to air jordans made in China, branded in America and consumed devoured in Africa.

How did China get here?

Well for starters they rarely compared their products to the West. They made their shoes and even though it was a knock off, they still produced it and their people oblivious to the Western need to be cool could not be bothered with the knock off nature of the shoes so they bought them and rocked them. Not to mention that the large Chinese population combined with import restrictions meant that there was practically a large demand for products, boot leg or not people would buy. And because of this sustained demand almost inelastic demand, supply had no option but to keep on increasing and when supply continues producing, something funny happens. It is called evolution. The Chinese got better … better at what they did. Soon the West was flying to China to see if they could get their clothes done there, and soon they wanted their electronics made there and before you knew it they wanted their Nuclear weapons made there China became the epicenter of manufacturing for the world!

Let’s bring it back to Nigeria…take a look at Nollywood, the Nigerian version of Hollywood. When they started out the movies were quite frankly in Western comparison terms poor. The camera angles were weak, sound effects out of sync and acting that seemed like well “acting.” But over time, Nollywood evolved. More and more producers and directors developed and the quality of acting improved. That is not to say there are not the occasional bad movies here and there, but Nollywood is a testament of what can happen when Nigerian supports a quote and quote inferior product, by creating demand and forcing supply which ends up evolving and improving.

We need to take that same mentality and apply to our everyday products, from computers to clothing. We might not get it right the first time or the second time, but soon like Nollywood movies the products will improve.

And remember Biafra? And the refinery. Turns out that those refineries in some shape or form are being produced in Nigeria today. In the Niger Delta, but they are called illegal refineries, like the made in aba kito knock offs they are looked down upon. To us, to our government and outsiders our definition of a refinery is the one built by a foreign company that spans thousands of acres with an expat several expats running it. No one has said, hmmmm…just maybe this smaller so called illegal refineries could evolve to be something better. Maybe they could be standardized just like Biafra did during the war, and maybe just maybe the Nigeria way of creating a refinery might not be the big gigantic one, but clusters of smaller refineries scattered around the planes of the Delta. Imagine…we could even get a patent for compact refineries and potentially end our patent drought.

But we won’t because we constantly get sidelined by the constant urge to immediately compare all our products to the west, not realizing that like everything we need time to evolve. Time to evolve our own ideas, our own products and our own thing. And if we do so just that… then maybe we could start creating our very own patents. That’s why Biafra was one of the most creative times in Nigerian history, they (the Biafrans) had no time to depend on western missiles or refineries, they had no one to mockingly say why are you carrying a made in Biafra gun. Because reality is that if you were being shot at you would grab any gun rather than die defenseless cause you were trying to look cool with a non-existent made in America gun. The Biafran’s did not even know the terminology “made in,” they just created their products to survive. And because of that they made magic happen.

We too can make magic, and that magic could be that one day Americans and other foreigners will stuff their luggages full of Nigerian products as they try frantically beg the attendant’s at Muritala Mohmmed Airport to ignore the little 2kg, because they can’t get enough of <insert that magical Nigerian product>. They weigh and re-weigh, until one attendant finally yells out in frustration “gini na eme gi! Biko hapu akpa gi…tinye ya n’ime conveyor belt, nsogbu adiro!”

CHAPTER ENDS

twitterWritten By Okechukwu Ofili. Follow him on twitter, Facebook or subscribe to his blog for more honest talk and as @ofilispeaks on instagram for more sketches! To bring Ofili to your school or organization as a speaker simply go here. His third book How Intelligence Kills will be coming out in December of 2013 pre-order here http://bit.ly/intelligencekills

 

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Author: Ofili

Words by Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
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63 comments on “Help Me Edit The MADE IN ABA Chapter

  1. Howdy Sir,
    What an honour..this is only my favourite thing to do; however I need to ask – must the suggested amendments be written in the comments section, or may we send you red line changes in Word format?

    • I would prefer they be kept in the comments section, I would like to discuss the editing so that others can see. I am not really looking for an MSWORD red line edit, I can get that anytime. I want to try something different.

    • Cynthia on said:

      Last paragragh should have been:
      other foreigners will stuff their luggages full of Nigerian products as they try TO frantically beg the ATTENDANTS at Muritala Mohmmed Airport to ignore the little 2kg,

  2. Okay I will resist the urge to “fine-comb” through and summarise instead, you’re brilliant anyway so here goes:
    minor changes – punctuation, spelling and grammar (sentence structure, tenses and homophones)
    main suggestion – more context to some of the narrative. For e.g, a lay person or 1st time reader of your books won’t have a clue re: the biafra/refinery reference. I only know what you are referring to because I have watched your TEDEx talk on innovation (or lack thereof). Unless of course, you have told the story in a preceeding chapter in the book, in which case my bad! Otherwise, it reads great!

  3. Devil’s Advocate: ofilispeaks knows he has errors in the document…I mean he sucks at writing. What exactly are the errors? Can you give exact examples. And yes the Biafran reference is to a previous chapter.

  4. mazi emdi on said:

    Ooooo! Ofili which kind work u come de give man for this kind time of the night? ….u no know say na 2am yankee eastern standard time?!….
    Any way, u 4got to put quotation marks on moms comment “this [these] people are so wicked”….
    Imma finish da article in da morrin tyme.
    Yagazie!

  5. So I really liked this article; probably one of my best so far! And it was perfect; the only thing I noticed was the ‘ when Nigeria supports a quote and quote….’. I felt that should have been ‘quote and unquote’. That’s all

  6. kenneth on said:

    Akuko a toro ogologo shine/riene, tugharia ya »as in translate ee ya n’asusu anyi tupu m mee ya edit. Mana m ga eji nwayoo nwere lachaa ofe di oku (lols). “Gini na-eme gi” kwesiri inwe question mark (?) Which is popularly known as akara ajuju

  7. adeshina okunubi on said:

    okey,
    this is a trick assignment o. you deliberately missed out several conjugants, adverbs and prepositions.

    I have read the article or chapter and made meaning of it so edit it yourself and send me a free copy of the book how intelligence kills.

    I also agree with you that we need to start patronizing our products to sustain our industries and our government needs to improve the policies that will encourage smes.
    cheers

  8. welldone Ofili….looollling all d way…..nice write up…funny

    1. Compliment line 4 or so…. U shld have complement
    2. Just ‘enter’ a plane… Please use board instead of enter… Sounds like yoruba english.

  9. I like how you kept it interesting with the tales of your mom’s packing antics but you still drove the point home. Some of the errors I noticed have already been pointed out in the earlier comments.
    Here are some of them:
    1. Obodo Oyibo: not sure if this qualifies as an error but I think the ‘White man’s city’ would have been a more apt translation.
    2. Murtala Mohammed Airport: as opposed to Muritala Mohmmaed Airport.
    3. Miraculously (not miracoulously).
    4. I believe ‘Overweight’ is one word, not two.
    5. Attendants tell (not attendants tells).
    6. These people are very wicked (not ‘this people are so wicked’)
    7. ‘Rearranged’ has no hyphen after the prefix.
    8. …most beautiful thing she HAD ever set eyes on. (Not HAS)
    9. Described (not descried)
    10. Both scenarios (not scenario’s)
    11. Not peculiar (rather than non peculiar)
    12. Luggage (not luggages)
    13. Quote and unquote (not quote and quote)
    14. You used ’cause’ instead of ‘because’ somewhere.
    Okay. That’s it 🙂

      • Dear Offili,
        do you have animal brain writing sensible stuffs and still make them looks funny…
        maybe am not using right words but somehow, you get to understand my animal communication…
        Blow it up man!

        Marxzy

  10. 2nd paragraph: instead of Muritala Mohmmaed its suppose to be Murtala Mohammed
    3rd paragraph: instead of “this people are wicked” it should be “these people..”
    7th paragraph: instead of air-hostess attitude changes” it should be ” attitude of the crew members…”
    Also instead of “discriminate against Nigerian hand luggage” it should be “Nigerian’s hand luggage’s”
    9th paragraph “to this day I don’t know why…” instead of “to this day, I don’t know why….
    Paragraph 13: “which brings me to another ‘made in’,… in stead of “which brings me to another made in’;
    Paragraph 18: several expats instead of “several experts”
    Paragraph 20 : “try frantically beg” instead of “try frantically to beg..”

    by the way ofili totally enjoyed the write-up! keep up the good work!

  11. This is yet another interesting piece, let me give this your ‘editing classwork’ a trial. My corrections are mostly on simple grammatical errors. For instance I wonder why you love using ellipsis (…) on almost every sentence! To be more specific, I will point out the sentences that could be adjusted and include my suggestions in brackets.

    Paragraph 5 (sentence 1): She was determined that it (the mirror) was going (back) to Nigeria with her.
    (Sentence3): In both (scenarios) she was able to convince herself and the airport officials surprisingly that her large mirror was hand luggage.

    Paragraph 6 (sentence 2): In Nigeria we try (to) carry everything from overseas (back to) Nigeria, (ranging from) car parts to perfume, alcohol, accent…everything.
    (Sentence 4): There you will find the largest hand luggage ever made…and if you dare arrive late(,) you are almost guaranteed not to have any space for your small laptop bag.

    Paragraph 9 (sentence 7) And the poor junior just looked down sad, wondering why he was being mocked(.)

    Paragraph 10 (sentence1) Looking beyond the obvious (-) the poor state of our schools and other socio-economic factors it think it is because we suffer from (‘Comparison Block’).
    Note: My intention was to replace the ellipsis with an em dash but but my device only has the en dash.
    (Sentence 4): Anything bootleg, from Jordan’s to Tommy Hilfiger shirts and even Chinese movies (,) was considered “made in China”.

    Paragraph 10 (sentence 2): They made their shoes and even though it was a knock off, they still produced it and their people oblivious to the Western need to be cool could not be bothered with the knock off nature of the shoes so they bought them and rocked them.
    Note: I didn’t offer any suggestions to that sentence because I don’t quite understand it. Are you trying to say the Chinese people were unmindful of the Westerners’ need ‘to be cool’ yet they bought the knock-offs and rocked them?
    (Sentence 5): And because of this sustained demand (insert em dash) almost in elastic demand, supply had no option but to (keep increasing), and when supply (increases), something funny happens. It is called evolution.

    Paragraph 11(sentence 2): When they started out (, the movies were quite frankly poor in terms of Western comparison.)
    (Sentence 3): The camera angles were weak, sound effects out of sync and acting that seemed like (…) well ‘acting’.
    (Sentence 5)…but Nollywood is a testament of what can happen when Nigeria supports a (quote-unquote) inferior product, by creating demand and supply which ends up evolving and improving.

    Paragraph 12 (sentence1): (Remember) Biafra(,) and the refinery(?). Turns out that those refineries in some shape or form are being produced in Nigeria today (insert m dash) in Niger Delta. But they are (labelled illegal refineries and looked down upon like the “made in Aba” knock-offs.)

    Paragraph 13 (sentence 5): Because reality is that if you were being shot at(,) you would grab any gun rather than die defenseless (because) you were trying to look cool…

    Paragraph 14 (sentence 1): …and that magic could be that one day Americans and other foreigners will stuff their luggages full of Nigerian products as they (frantically) beg the attendants at Muritala Mohammed Airport to ignore the little 2kg…

    Finally, I love the fact that you said those words (paragraph 14, sentence 2) in one of our native languages – I think Igbo, but you could have translated it for people (like me) that don’t understand the language. But thanks to my Ibo friends, I was told it means (could be incorrect) “what is wrong with you! Please leave your bag…put it inside the conveyor belt, there’s no problem!”.

  12. Perfecto!…. *claps* e no need any editing joor except you want to re-write the whole thing in Igbo. Apart from that ehn, the Chapter #OdikwaInteresting. Anticipating the book bad bad.

  13. Thanks for this great opportunity. Most of the errors have to do with punctuation, especially the use of comma. You left out commas in places they should have been. Also, you used apostrophe in some places you shouldn’t have used them. Then, I think you should reduce your usage of ellipses. They should be used only when you want to build tension or to show that a sentence has been left unfinished or unstarted. There are few spelling errors too. I’m not a professional editor but here’s my own little contribution:
    Note: P stands for paragraph and S stands for sentence. Also, I used ellipses before or after a group of words so as not to waste time typing the whole sentence.
    P1: S1. …never follow her to an international airport, especially when she is flying back to Nigeria….
    Comment: a comma should come before especially and there is no need for ellipses.
    S2. ….slang for a person that makes heavy luggage lighter…
    Comment: it should be luggage and not luggages because luggage is an uncountable noun. You can also try to shorten the sentence if you can.
    P2: This happens….
    comment: I feel this should still be part of the first paragraph . Also, it’s Murtala Muhammed and not Muritala Mohmmaed

    P3:S1
    We have even tried weighing the luggage at home before departing but to no avail.
    Comment: there shouldn’t be fullstop before the but and there should be one after avail.
    S2:Somehow, she….
    comment: note the comma after somehow
    S3: But for years, that has never happened…luggage is still overweight (not over weight)
    Comment: comma after years
    S4: And when the attendants…these people are so wicked
    comment: these is the plural form of this and it’s appropriate since you’re talking about people(plural) and not one person(singular).
    P4:S4: But that was nothing compared to her mirror stunt in 1995
    comment: you omitted to
    S5: It all started in a store in Houston. My mum…
    comment: It looks better with full stop after Houston.
    P5: S2: comment: full stop after legends, not comma
    S3: In both scenarios, she was able…
    comment: It’s scenarios, not scenario’s. And there should be a comma after that.
    P6: S2: In Nigeria, we try to…
    comment: there should be comma after Nigeria and it sounds better to say “we try to carry” instead of “we try and carry”
    P7:S2: Once we start heading to Nigeria, the air hostess’ attitude changes
    Comment: note the apostrophe. It’s explaining the possession as in HER attitude
    P8:S1: In 1994, I was perched…
    comment: put a comma after 1994
    S3: From the top of the bed,…
    comment: add a comma after bed
    P9:S2: I feel it should be re-constructed this way: To this day, I don’t know why I remember this incident, why it has never left my memory. Maybe I do and I am in denial because I remember….
    “but what is wrong with made in Aba?”
    P10:S1: But I never said a word
    comment: It would be better to join this to the paragraph before it, after “what is wrong with made in Aba?”
    S3: So, I kept my mouth shut
    comment: note the comma after So
    …slippers which were an apparent…
    comment: there should be no full stop before which
    S5: Ironically, kitos…
    comment: put comma after ironically and remove apostrophe that’s before s
    S6: But somehow,
    comment: comma after somehow
    P11And how did “made in Aba” become grounds for insults?
    comment: there should be a question mark after insults
    P13:S1: …other socio-economic factors, I think…
    comment: comma after factors
    P15S4: which brings me to another “made in china”, the Aba of the world
    comment: comma before the Aba
    PP15:S1: Well, for starters, they rarely…
    comment: note the commas
    S2:They are people oblivious to the western need to be cool, couldn’t be bothered
    S3: …boot leg or not, people will buy
    comment: comma after not
    S4: and because of this sustained demand, almost inelastic demand,…
    comment: note the commas
    P16:S2: it should be -when they started out, the movies were…
    S6: it’s quote and unquote
    P17:S2: But soon like Nollywood movies, the product will improve
    P18:S2: …being produced in Nigeria today in the Niger Delta…
    comment: there should be no fullstop before Niger Delta
    S3: to us, to our government and outsiders, our definition…
    comment: note the comma after outsiders
    P19:S1: it’s better this way: …not realizing that like everything, we need time to evolve…time to evolve our own ideas
    S4: that’s why Biafra was one of the most creative times in Nigeria history. They…
    S5: reality is that if you were being shut at, you would grab any gun rather than die…’cause or because Biafrans (not Biafran’s)
    comment: note the comma. Also, if you’ll use cause, put an apostrophe before it or you can just use because
    S7: and because of that, they made magic happen
    comment: comma after that
    P20:
    …as they try frantically to beg or as they frantically beg the attendants
    comment: no apostrophe before s in attendants

    I’m not Igbo, so, I don’t understand the last sentence
    Hmmnn…it took me hours to do this. Further editing is allowed though
    I hope it helps.
    Weldone!
    Anu latest post is Why are we so in love with the dead?My Profile

    • “It should be luggage and not luggages because luggage is an uncountable noun.”

      That’s why I failed Adesoye College entrance exam…I no fit write Enlish =D. THanks for the detailed feedback o. THis is very very good stuff. I love it.

      • It’s my pleasure. I enjoyed reading it over and over again. LOL at “I no fit write English”. The point is you are expressing yourself and that is amazing. Thumbs up!

  14. impressive the army of peeps you have here, Okey 🙂

    did a quick check to see if this was caught, but it didnt seem like it, so here.

    para. 10, line 4: “Which were an apparent knock off version of the Kito slippers that had rained in the 1990’s.”

    it should be “reigned” and not “rained.”

    as they say, more grease to your elbow 😉

  15. Elizabeth on said:

    Lovely article, great read n got. It got me thinking and considering supporting the “made in aba” products lols. The few intentional errors I noticed are *…Muritala Mohamaed instead of Murtala Mohammed, *…30 minute instead of 30 minutes, *…descried instead of described, * …but maybe I do and am denial should have been maybe I do but am in denial, *rained should have been reigned, *… But nollywood is a testament of what can happen when Nigerian supports a quote and quote inferior product should have been … But nollywood is a testament of what can happen when Nigerians supports a quote and un quote inferior product, *…with several expats running it… Should have been with several experts running it.. *… And if we do so just that… Should have been and if we do just that… *…As they try frantically beg… Should have been … As they try frantically to beg…
    Pheew! Ayaf tried to edit my oga’s article and its a great honour

  16. Vicki Clakley, DTM on said:

    Ofili, In good Toastmasters’ tradition, the following are suggested improvements. Many have already been mention by previous commenters, but asking for comments is like participating as test speaker in an evaluation contest—you hear many of the same comments over and over!
    In all instances, change “luggages” to “luggage”
    1st Paragraph:
    1. Add commas: I love my Mum, and you should, too, but no matter…
    2. Replace “weight connoisseur, slang for a person that…” with “luggage magician, who, instead of making the luggage disappear, makes heavy luggage lighter by unpacking, repacking and shifting the contests until …
    3. Spell out “two” (last word in paragraph)
    2nd Paragraph:
    1. Correct spelling of airport name.
    3rd Paragraph:
    1. Re-word 2nd sentence: But to no avail, because my mum simply ignores it.
    2. Add comma after “Somehow”
    3. Correct spelling: s/b miraculously
    4. Add hyphen: 30-minute drive
    5. Delete “for years”
    6. Choose: attendants tell/attendant tells – either will work with the sentence (but not both!)
    7. If you are really quoting your mother, don’t change her statement about wicked people; but, if you are merely illustrating her attitude toward the airline personnel, I suggest this wording: …she turns to us and says, “These people are so wicked!” It’s not wickedness, I want to say, but I never speak the words aloud, as I am forced to drag yet another piece of luggage off the scale to be rearranged and reweighed.
    4th Paragraph:
    1. How tall is a full-sized midget? In politically correct USA, this would cause much offense! I suggest changing “luggage as tall as a full sized midget” to “a bag as tall as a six-year-old boy”
    6th Paragraph:
    1. Correct spelling: described
    2. Surround “as wide as a large picture frame” with commas.
    3. Correct airport names: Houston’s Bush Intercontinental Airport and Amsterdam Airport Schiphol.
    4. Delete “In both scenario’s” and begin sentence with “Surprisingly, she was able…” and delete the occurrence of the word “surprisingly” mid-sentence.
    5. The mirror hangs on the wall, not “sits”
    7th Paragraph:
    1. Sadly, her situation is not unique.
    2. …we try to carry… (not “and carry”)
    3. Add hyphen to “Nigerian-bound flight”
    4. Change “would” to “will” – “…and you will understand…”
    8th Paragraph:
    1. Replace “air hostess” with “flight attendant”
    2. Add “s” to discriminate — … the airport state discriminates against …
    3. Delete “but” so the sentence is one word: “Why?”
    9th Paragraph:
    1. Replace “woken” with “awakened”
    2. Reword sentence: …about, I gently turned my head so no one would be aware of my presence. From my vantage point I could see three seniors, a set above me, and one junior, a set below me, engaged in an intense confrontation.
    10th Paragraph:
    1. If ABA is a proper noun, it should be initial cap in all instances.
    2. Add the word “in” before “denial”
    3. Delete “myself in JSS 2 at the age of 12” – after change the sentence will read: Because I remember thinking to myself, “but what is wrong with made in Aba?”
    11th Paragraph:
    1. Delete “But”
    2. Replace 3 with “three”
    3. Reword sentence to read: Which, apparently, were a knock-off version …
    4. To rid the next sentence of repeating the word rubber: An amalgamation of gum and rubber…
    5. Knock-off should be hyphenated
    6. Kitos should not have an apostrophe
    Final Paragraph:
    1. Replace “or” with “and not” so the sentence reads: Why are Nigerians not producing patents and not producing …
    2. Find a better word than “stuff”
    3. Please clarify: do you mean they (Nigerians) could potentially produce more stuff, or that the individual’s potential (intelligence, creativity, etc.) indicates they should produce more and better stuff?
    We miss you in Houston. I hope you find my comments helpful. I hope I didn’t lose count on the paragraphs!
    Warmest regards,
    Vicki Clakley, DTM

  17. Let me categorically say, 1st of all, that any correction i make should be cross checked. Even the “corrector” can make incorrect corrections lol.
    1. International airport; especially when..(punctuating that as 2 sentences is a bit awkward).
    2. Luggage (no “s”).
    3. Packing, unpacking and shifting (lufuo that 1st “and”).
    4. Murtala Mohammed Airport.
    5. Departing, but to no avail; my mum simply ignores it.
    6. Miraculously.
    7. Overweight (one word).
    8. These people (not this).
    9. “It isn’t wickedness”, i try to say (have managed to confuse myself…its not and it’s not; abeg stick with it isn’t).
    10. My mum once carried a bag (more appropriate than “luggage”).
    11. However (not but), that was nothing compared with her mirror stunt…
    12. A store in Houston. (not comma).
    13. Going to Nigeria (not going to go to).
    14. Stuff of legends; she carried…
    15. Scenarios (no comma).
    16. Surprisingly, that her…
    17. Accents.
    18. Hand luggage (again, no s).
    19. Dare arrive late,
    20. Intense engagement??? Try dialogue.
    21. “his slippers. Which were” Fragment…consider revising hehehe! I just hate it whenever a PC does that to me.
    22. “But somehow the junior” Remove the but.

    I know how much my enemies want me to die of frustration. Therefore, i will post this 1st (as part 1), before i continue, lest my phone go on automatic reboot.

  18. P.11
    how did “made in Aba”
    become grounds for insults?
    P.12
    But before I answer that, let’s (Remove the but, lets)
    P.13
    Looking beyond the obvious, the poor state of our schools and other socio-economic factors, I think it is because we suffer from Comparison Block.
    P.14
    Compared with
    P.15
    China, which (not fullstop).
    “made in China”, the “Aba” of the world…
    P.16
    For starters, they (corrected).
    oblivious to the Western
    need to be cool, could not be bothered with the “knock off” nature (corrected).
    “there was practically a large demand” (dispose of practically, replace with something if you wish)
    Because of this sustained, almost inelastic demand, (corrected).
    better and better (corrected).
    P.17
    When they started out, (comma)
    the sound effects out of sync and the acting seemed like, well, “acting” but over time, Nollywood evolved. (I think…you might want to get a 2nd opinion here though).
    when Nigeria supports (or Nigerians support) a quote
    and unquote inferior product, (corrected).
    but soon, like Nollywood
    movies, the products will improve. (corrected).
    P.18
    Remember Biafra? And the refinery?
    in Nigeria today; in the Niger Delta, but they are called illegal refineries. Like the made in aba kito knock offs, they are looked down upon.
    these smaller so called illegal
    refineries…
    maybe, just maybe
    And if we do just that, then maybe we could start
    mockingly ask why they were carrying “Made in Biafra” guns.
    Because in reality, if you were being shot at, you would grab any handy gun rather than die defenseless in the name of looking cool with American made guns.
    Biafrans (corrected)
    survive and because of that, they
    P.19
    All corrections that apply here have been made above. I saw the one my Igbo brother did above *thumbs up*.

    I know this my correction is kinda haphazard but gbaghara biko. I shouldn’t even be on your blog by 3:30 am (and i didn’t even find what i came to look for *insert furious face*).

  19. Abeg, carry dat one dey go, sleep calls. Sure others would have been spotted sef. My heroes story jo *puffy red face about to explode*.

  20. Bros…which one u dey pretend like say u want make we edit something for this masterpiece?u be winsh?this piece of work is just what it is: a great piece of work-frankly I for no touch anythin inside…only that d ibo language could have a translation @ the end….*ps:I think u r amazing,more grease to ur pen!!GOD bless u…

  21. Diokpa! This is my own five kobo contribution to your eagerly anticipated book. It’s not very easy to write an interesting piece as this and still be able to dot all the i’s and cross the t’s. Being an author, I know what it must be like. Okay here we go

    P1-never follow her to an international airport: Use DON’T instead of Never
    P2-from Obodo Oyibo (the home of the foreigners). Use WHITE MAN’S LAND
    P5-extra kilogram or 2. Use the word two instead
    P6-Muritala Mohmmaed Airport. Use Murtala Mohammed International Airport
    P8-miracoulously. Use MIRACULOUSLY

    P9- over weight. It’s one word I think

    P10-the attendants tells her. ATTENDANTS TELL HER

    P13-But that was nothing compared her mirror stunt in 1995. SHOULD BE A NEW PARAGRAPH

    P 22-Sadly her situation is non peculiar. NOT PECULIAR?

    P 24-largest hand luggages ever made. I THINK YOU SHOULD YANK OFF THE EVER MADE PART

    P31-but maybe I do and I am denial. I AM IN DENIAL

    P35-Kito slippers that had rained. REIGNED

    Okay! Dats the much I could go. Lastly, I love the way you related your mother’s airport experience and the made in Aba syndrome. Great job nwanne. Ji sike!

  22. Oh my, look at all those corrections. *sigh* There goes my free book oh! Kai. Anyway, the only thing I saw was “Muritala” and compared to the things other people saw, that’s child’s play. Oh well, Maybe I’ll have better luck next time. Ooh, and brilliant article. As usual.:D

  23. Mordi Chukwu on said:

    Ok… I noticed some errors – Perhaps! But I got the message. Maybe it’s “Made In Aba” english too. Maybe he wants to deviate from the norm; by developing a chapter that is different from the rest. A chapter that says more about why we should just favour stuffs that can truly define us and contribute towards making them scale.

    …then we should expect a book in ‘pidgin’ from Ofili soon and if some people say that it just doesn’t make sense, it will only be a matter of time until dem follow grab their own copy.

  24. It took me 3 hours to go through all the comments! Thank you very much. This was very very helpful. The edits were top notch.

    So here are my top 5 editors that will get a signed copy of HIK in no particular order:
    Anuoluwapo Sotunde
    Vicki Clakley, DTM
    Victoria
    Nkem
    Jamila

    Ok I lied…I did it in a particular order. Anu’s feedback was comprehensive and detailed and she gets the 30 minutes phone call.

    On the other’s Vicki’s reviews were great…I love the midget recommendation, made complete sense. Nkem and Jamila, yours was the first 2 I looked at and you set the tone for the other edit cause you caught a bunch of stuff. Last but not the least…Victoria detailed and key edits..i did not quite get the em dash thingy. But overall the edits were on point.

    Honorable mention to Oma and Beekay. Thanks for making this happen…Chapter is good to go. You will your products when you get the book.

    PS: Send me your full names. I want to list you as editors. Hurry.
    Okechukwu Ofili latest post is Why Corruption Is Like SexMy Profile

  25. Yayyyy! Am most excited because of this “I want to list you as editors”. And there goes my first work as an editor!:)

    As for the em dash, am sure you know it though it is mostly referred to as ‘hyphen’. But it is longer than the ‘real’ hyphen and the en dash (before you say “which one is the en dash again”, I will come back to it after this.) The em dash is typically used to act as a comma or parenthesis to separate out phrases. For example: Against all odds, Pete—the unluckiest man alive—won the lottery.

    Now the en-dash is used to connect values in a range or that are related, e.g 1989-2013, January–June. While hyphen is used to join words in a compound construction, or separate syllables of a word. For example, pro-African, knock-offs.

    To get the em dash on Microsoft Word (using auto format feature), do not enter a space, and then type two hyphens, e.g:

    Nigeria is–the best country
    converts the line to:

    Nigeria is—the best country

    For en dash: add a space, type two hyphens, add another space and the next word.
    For example typing,
    Nigeria is — the best country

    converts the line to:

    Nigeria is – the best country

    I hope I sabi explain, English too get wahala me sef I still be learner.

    Thanks again, will send my details:)

    • Sorry it will be from this (for em dash: without a space and two hypens)
      Nigeria is–the best country
      To this:
      Nigeria is—the best country;

      (For en dash: a space, 2 hyphens, another space and the next word) From:
      Nigeria is — the best country
      To:
      Nigeria is – the best country

  26. Jeez Victoria, you should teach English *insert em dash* mehn you’re good!!!
    Ofili, thanks for the consolation jare.

  27. umeh adonia on said:

    Hi,I had so much fun reading this chapter’s draft and I must say I am impressed by how you give our everyday experiences in Nigeria a humorous twist. Kudos.
    Now to your trick assignment;

    1. 3rd paragraph; …when the attendants tell (not attendants tells…english concord) her the obvious,she turns to us and says these people (not this people) are wicked.

    2. 4th paragraph; …But that was nothing compared to (the to was omitted) her mirror stunt in 1995….

    3. 5th paragraph; …In both scenarios (not scenario’s…we are dealing with the plural form, so apostrophe not required).
    …that it (the mirror) was going to Nigeria with her (I feel the ‘going to go’ to Nigeria is kinda long…lol)

    4. 7th paragraph; …the air hostess’s attitude (not air-hostess, no hyphen needed)…

    5. 13th paragraph; …the poor state of our schools and other socioeconomic factors,( the comma was omitted and I think no hyphen is required for socioeconomic) I think it is because we suffer…

    6. 15th paragraph; …but Nollywood is a testament of what can happen when Nigeria (not Nigerian) supports an (not a) “inferior product”.(the quote signs are necessary).

    7. 17th paragraph; …and maybe,just maybe, the Nigerian way (not Nigeria way) of creating a refinery…

    8. 18th paragraph; …if you were being shot at, (the comma was omitted) you would grab any gun…

    9. 19th paragraph; …frantically beg the attendants (not attendant’s)…

    10. Murtala Mohammed is the correct spelling of the airport (sure you know that already…lol)

    Wait….oh no!! I just noticed you have winners already, well am still going to post this anyway…lol.
    b.t.w, you are a great writer.

  28. Dangana Inebhari on said:

    I spotted expat, supposed to be experts. Meanwhile I’m late to the party, you all did a great editing job.

    • Ofili

      Thanks. When I talk about expat…I mean this “An expatriate (sometimes shortened to expat) is a person temporarily or permanently residing in a country other than that of the person’s upbringing. The word comes from the Latin terms ex (“out of”) and patria (“country, fatherland”).”

  29. Lore Keiko on said:

    Interesting article, but I kind of totally disagree with you. Very interesting analysis of Nigerian psychology but a lot of historical inaccuracies. For one, Chinese consumption habits have almost nothing to do with their exposure to the outside world. China has always been guided as much the same ideology as America, they love their products simply because they trust and believe in them, which is only an extension of their nation. In effect, made in the US of A or made in China means to them much more than just the mere fact that a certain product was made somewhere. I know this because I have spent the past 3 months of my life studying China at school. Moreover, if you are really interested in fixing Nigeria you need to think more about the REAL reasons for the lack of unity, that is the beginning of solving all our many problems

  30. Lore Keiko on said:

    Oh I forgot to add that obviously I by unity I mean extensive research into our cultural, economic and political history. To me, there is clearly no ONE Nigeria, doesn’t matter that our leaders live in an alternate universe and tell us otherwise. For a 100 years, they’ve been forcing this Nigerian idea and all their handwork has not paid off because as we can all see we as a nation are scraps!

    More to the point however, is that if you think of any nation that has been anything at any point in history, regardless of the system of government that exists, Germany, USA, China, Japan is because they have this strong national identity of who they are, where they are coming from and where they are headed.

    Nigeria on the other hand, I think in all my history classes our history starts and stops at about 1960, and then there was the brief random info of what led to the 1960 event. Nobody told me how great the Benin Empire was and how the British destroyed everything so we won’t know who we are. Or what the Biafran war was really about, or the many coups that happened before that or what the Niger Delta are agitating for.

    I know I kind of went off tangent as to what we are to comment about. I just thought I should share my thoughts on what you said.

  31. olukemilawani on said:

    just saw this
    it still was fun trying my hands on it

    CHAPTER BEGINS:
    I love my Mum and you should too, but no matter how much you love her, never follow her to an international airport, especially when she is flying back to Nigeria from Obodo Oyibo. If you do, you are almost guaranteed to become a weight connoisseur, slang for a person who makes luggage clearly above the weight limit lighter by packing and unpacking and rearranging several contents of the luggage until either it is below the weight limit or the on looking airport officials  are frustrated enough with your mess and let you through with an extra kilogram or two.
    This happens every time we go to any airport with the exception of the Muritala Mohmmed Airport for obvious reasons.
    I have tried weighing the luggage at home before departing. But to no avail, my mum simply ignores it. Somehow she expects the luggage to miraculously reduce in weight over the 30 minute drive to the airport. But this has never happened…the luggage is always still overweight. When the attendants tell her the obvious, she turns to us and says ‘this people are so wicked’. ‘It’s not wickedness, mum’, I always think, but my thoughts never transform into words as I am forced to drag yet another piece of luggage off the weighing scale to be re-arranged and re-weighed.
    My mum once had this piece of luggage as tall as a full sized midget and insisted that it was hand luggage. It must have been, for giants! Somehow she got it on the plane. But even that was nothing compared to her mirror stunt in 1995: It all started in a store in Houston, my mum saw this mirror and immediately decided that it was the most beautiful thing she had ever set her eyes on (and obviously, she was looking at herself!).
    She was determined that this mirror had to get to Nigeria with her. How she achieved this is the stuff of legends. She, my mother, carried this mirror which was wide as a large picture frame as hand luggage, through the Houston International Airport and then the Amsterdam International Airport. In both places she was able to convince herself and the airport officials surprisingly that her large mirror was hand luggage. They believed it, either out of frustration or they really shared the illusion. To this day, the mirror sits on our living room wall, a testament to my mum’s powers of persuasion and sometimes I want to go up to the wall and say “mirror mirror on the wall, do you know the shit we went through to get you up that wall?” But I am sure the mirror would be quiet.
    Sadly her situation is hardly peculiar. In Nigeria we try to bring everything from overseas to Nigeria…car parts, perfume, alcohol, exotic accents…everything. Just check out the economy class of the average Nigerian bound flight and you would understand what I mean. There you will find the largest hand luggage ever made…and if you dare arrive late…you are almost guaranteed not to have any space for your small laptop bag.
    We are so notorious that we end up facing discrimination by the airlines. Once it is known we are returning to Nigeria, the air-hostess’ attitude changes. The aggression is almost palpable and eventually is regardless of the size of the hand luggage.-how on earth did we get here?
    In 1994 I was perched on the top bunk of one of many dormitory rooms at my secondary school, when I was woken up by the sound of laughter from persons beneath my bunk bed. To see what all the hoopla was about, I turned my head gently so as not to alert anyone to my hidden presence. From the top of the bed I could see 3 seniors in the class ahead of me and one junior student in the class behind me in intense verbal engagement.
    The junior was standing with his face down, and all I heard was “made in Aba,” “made in Aba,” “that’s how your people are always spoiling market.” To this day I don’t know why I still remember this incident; or maybe I do and I remain in denial. I do remember myself in JSS 2 at the age of 12 thinking to myself, “but what is wrong with made in Aba?”
    But I never said a word. A junior student standing up against 3 senior students to protect another junior student had never happened in the history of Nigerian boarding schools, and if it did that junior is probably still missing. So I kept my mouth shut and watched the 11 year old boy stand, face down, quiet and sad as he was mocked about his slippers. Which were an apparent knock off version of the Kito slippers that had ‘reigned’ in the 1990s. Kito’s was a rubber amalgamation of gum and more rubber that created a slipper with a sole so thick it could make a short man believe he was Michael Jordan. Ironically Kito’s were not the greatest quality product there were, even then. But somehow that junior student appeared to be wearing a knock off version of the Kito’s. And as the senior students continued joking and mocking as they chanted: “made in aba,” “made in aba”, the poor boy just looked down sad, bewildered…
    So where is Aba and how did goods “made in Aba” become grounds for insults?
    Before I answer that, let’s return to my question in the last chapter: Why are Nigerians not producing patents or producing as much stuff as their potential should?

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