Amala and Fufu Tensions Boil Over In #Nigeria

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Breaking Satirical News

Lagos, Nigeria – Riots have broken out across Nigeria as tensions between Amala and Fufu escalate.

It all started when Amala was suddenly removed from the menu of one popular Mama Put restaurant several days ago. Witnesses say they woke up one day and Amala was not just being served anymore at the popular restaurant. The Amala and Fufu tensions have been going on for years, but this is the first time tensions have really boiled over!

Amala is protesting what seems like another strategic blockade by Fufu to keep them out of restaurants in Nigeria and commercially weakened. It does not help that Fufu is already given more favorable coverage by both the local and international media, which further sparks feelings of discrimination within the Amala community. According to Amala spokesperson both Fufu and Amala should be served and treated equally…

“There is wide spread believe amongst the Amala community that there is Amala discrimination going on in Lagos. And if it is not contained it could quickly escalate” said the Lagos Amala State Rep.

And this is true. Research shows that Fufu is served more than Amala in Nigerian restaurants …. the biggest difference can be seen in Nigerian weddings where Fufu is the overwhelming favorite. However, the Fufu community does not believe that this wide gap is due to discrimination but rather believe it is merit based.

“Fufu is just simply better tasting, plus Amala smells a lot.” said Chief Of The Fufu armed forces.

Such accusations although true, only help to increase tensions between both parties.

It is believed however that a temporal ceasefire is not far away as mediators are looking to capitalize on the Muslim Ramadan fasting period as an opportunity to ease tensions … albeit temporarily.  

amalagMadam Labake Kofo popularly known as MLK believes that all flours are created equal and should not be judged on the color of their flour but rather the content of their flavor. In her recent speech, televised across the nation, MLK stated…

“I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: – ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all flours are created equal.”

Whatever the case is, the Nigerian government have their hands full. Many experts believe that if Amala and Fufu tensions are not contained early it could easily and quickly spill over to other regions of the country. And might violently influence the ongoing disputes brewing between Yellow Garri and White Garri.

In that dispute, Yellow Garri is accusing White Garri of dominating the Garri water soaking industry. But this dispute proves to be just as tricky sticky as the first, as White Garri does not feel the palm oil bleached Yellow Garri should be allowed to soak in water.

“Oil and Water just do not mix.” said the White Garri Attorney

The whole world is watching. Nobody knows how this one would play out, but we are keeping our mics on the ground bowls on the table.

The truth however is that food is food, they all come in different shapes and sizes. Some might smell funny, some might even taste funny. But no matter the color of your food at the end of the day they all come out as shit!

NOTE: No flour was killed in the making of this article, although some were pounded beaten badly!

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Written and Illustrated By Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
Follow him on Twitter
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Ofili

Author: Ofili

Words by Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
Follow him on Twitter
Stalk him on Instagram
Read his crazy titled books on konga or okadabooks
Feed his children at…no wait he has no kids…. 

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28 comments on “Amala and Fufu Tensions Boil Over In #Nigeria

  1. Lol! This was well funny. Amala over fufu any day, anytime for me.
    And why would you soak yellow garri? Who does that?? Yellow garri association should go and sleep jo. They don’t have a case.

  2. Hilarious! But wait oo, Ofili, Amala is the reigning champion at weddings nah; plus, that Chief of Fufu Armed Forces must be a Nigerian politician- always ascribing self-traits to the other party…lol. Fufu is the KING when it comes to smell!

  3. Mustee on said:

    Good Lord! What goes on in your head when you write such articles. This was overtly brilliant and funny. No wonder my friends say i can’t have a conversation without refering to something i read in Ofili’s book or something i read on his blog. Awesome! Keep up the great job.

  4. Seriously Ofili, I used to think you were crazy but now, I’ve confirmed it. This was just genius! Meanwhile, fufu & white garri any day.

  5. Seriously Ofili, I used to think you were crazy but now, I’ve confirmed it. This is just genius! Meanwhile, fufu & white garri any day.

  6. Uzo Okafor on said:

    I was wondering but realised you were talking about the Blacks’ and Whites fight in US, but how can you say it is true amala smells more. Even in real life, we all know the truth. There should be no discrimination at all. If the amala community does not voice out now, things could only get worse and MLK is no more around to tell them what he dreamt. You sure have a way of doing these things intelligently I must say. Welldone!

  7. Patrick Edem on said:

    This Amala and Fufu case is just another replica of PDP and APC batlle Lmao….Ofili may your hand never bend keep writing bro

  8. I came here to read your recent post and I found myself on the one with the catchy title…..and I kept laughing till the end, doing a mind representation of all the food characters used to real life characters and scenarios. This is about the most unique and funniest yet in-depth article i’ve read! You inspire me with your works. Nice one. Racism and trifle discrimination is just a waste of Life!

  9. I came here to read your recent post and I found myself on the one with the catchy title…..and I kept laughing till the end, doing a mind representation of all the food characters used to real life characters and scenarios. This is about the most unique and funniest yet in-depth article i’ve read! You inspire me with your works. Nice one. Racism and trifle discrimination is just a waste of Life!
    Nonye latest post is Consume The Sun –Let it burn!My Profile

  10. Oluwatobiloba on said:

    This was hilarious, witty and downright intelligent. I have never seen so many metaphors used in an article. Can you be my mentor/friend??? *bats lashes*

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