5AM In Nigeria (Bonus Article)

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It’s 5:00 am your alarm sounds interrupting your AC filled dream with the reality of the heat swarming your bedroom.

You enter the shower, the water is not running, sadly your landlord forgot to turn on the pump and he padlocks it every damn time. You have to rush down to the well to fetch your water “secondary school” style.

You shower with that one bucket, mizing [sic] it meticulously, with that one bucket you will shit, flush, bath and brush.

You step out of the shower, and the siren goes off, you know that sounds, it’s the beautiful sound of NEPA has bought light. You turn on your fan, but your fan has barely rotated 361 degrees before NEPA takes the light back.

NEPA was just fucking with you…torturing you.

At this point your body is wet, you try your hardest to wipe the water from your body although you are not sure its bath water or your sweat you are wiping off …evil NEPA won’t let you know the difference.

You get out of the house, after running through a maze of locks and padlocks, your only defensive system against being robbed at night. After getting out Maze-runner style you finally experience the fresh breeze of … Carbon Monoxide as the generator ushers you to your car. Your place of solitude, where you can block out the chaos.

You jump in and crank the engine up, your car revs to life. The radio blares, the AC is on full blast, the engine oil is topped off, no check light Engine is on … for a full minute you are in paradise, you enjoy the cool feel of Freon on your tortured skin until reality hits…E-reality … as in EMPTY. No fuel! Your gauge is stuck on E.

So you have to walk to the nearest bus stop where you will be quoted the Black Market price. You have no option but to pay. You enter the the bus, hoping to grab a window seat, your source of artificial breeze, but everyone wants that same spot. So instead you are stuck in the middle. Its like NEPA is following you everywhere…like that MTN jingle … everywhere you go…

It’s been a crazy morning, and you manage to arrive at work 5 minutes late. You have barely sat on your seat, before boss lady/man who is not really your boss is giving you shit. Piles of shit. So much shit you can quit your job and start a fertilizer farm.

But you stay on your seat this … is the Nigerian dream…at least the AC is working, you have internet, your bosses might be crazy, they might scream at you…micromanage you, but you go through that shit for the sake of the Nigerian dream. Time crawls and eventually 5 pm hits, but you know that you can’t leave at 5 pm.

What are you crazy!

Nigerian work is about suffering, you stay late, 6:30 pm is your closing time, you stay behind to look busy. Everybody does and your crazy boss he loves it…because it shows dedication, he stays behind also except that his house is next door!

So after all the bullshit eye-service is over…you board the bus only to get stuck in traffic….3rd mainland traffic, Ring road traffic, PH traffic, just good old Nigerian traffic, God blessed us with this.

You get home at 10 pm, you eat fast, because you know in 1 hour the generator will be off … you make it just in time, you lay your head on the bed and before you know your alarm clock is fucking you in the ear…its another 5:00 am in Nigeria!

twitterWritten By Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
Follow him on Twitter
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Ofili

Author: Ofili

Words by Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
Follow him on Twitter
Stalk him on Instagram
Read his crazy titled books on konga or okadabooks
Feed his children at…no wait he has no kids…. 

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32 comments on “5AM In Nigeria (Bonus Article)

  1. OG mama on said:

    Sad life of a typical Nigerian. Very sad but true. I have lost all hope in this country, I’m basically indifferent. *deepest sigh

    Nice article by the way!

  2. ridwan on said:

    weldone, that was good bro,
    One out of many garsh reality of existence we gave to put up with.
    But just have to say this, that its been a while, and just pls dont loss that magic woven of write up cos i enjoyes it.

  3. ridwan on said:

    weldone, that was good bro,
    One out of many harsh reality of existence we gave to put up with.
    But just have to say this, that its been a while, and just pls dont loss that magic woven of write up cos i enjoyes it.

  4. Chima on said:

    So true! Nigerians are really suffering and I dare say smiling. People are still throwing parties and tiring gele in d face of unparalleled hardship. We need help!

  5. Osaze on said:

    Nigeria we hail thee! We are waiting to hail thee for good things. Arise O compatriots! They were either sleeping or dead. Waiting for them to arise o. Hian!

  6. Okonkwo Philip on said:

    Yh yh! U got it right bro. Very true. God pls save us in Nigeria and make Nigeria better. Amen. Nice piece

  7. toyin on said:

    Only a real boss (and I mean real one) can live in 9ja those dat wake up around 9am n goes to work after 10 n b4 than everything (including the fingernail shoe punishing I mean every damn thing) is SET!!!

  8. Well written depiction of the middle man’s suffering. I can only imagine what the lower class are going through (and I say this with all manner of respect). Fuck the cabal!

  9. dollipeezle on said:

    As always, a wonderful article about the stark reality we ‘ve on a daily. steady suffering and smiling but still we hope

    • Ofili
      Ofili on said:

      Conditioning. Slowly and daily conditioning until we wake up to the reality of shit but its too late to run because we are stuck waist deep in the shit!

  10. Enyene on said:

    This what i miss when i stay away from your blog (y do i evn do that?)
    This is some really sad truth though..we be living the Nigerian dream!!

  11. Adaeze C. on said:

    Chaiiiiii….Wetin man go do.Na survival of the fittest. If u no fit manage u go Liberia Shaw.

  12. Mike on said:

    The problem with Nigerian is that our leaders don’t understand how to be ashamed. long – term and deliberate planning.

    The only long term planning they understand is to chop enough money while in power– enough for three or four generations of their families.

    South Korea was a waste land after the Korean war in the 1950’s and in one generation they were able to turn things around. Today, we drive their cars, use their cell phones, we ship out precious oil in their super-tankers.

    The biggest problem with Nigeria is actually quite simply. Bad and corrupt leaders..

    Other problems that stem from this are corrupt and weak institutions.

    Problem we need to solve before we can be taken taken seriously by other nations : Electricity , Availability of clean water , Transportation (infrastructure / roads), good Educational institutions, dependable Law enforcement

    These aren’t humanity changing problems by any means …. these problems have been solved several times over in other countries.. No one is asking us to go to Mars or the Moon….

    Electricity was tamed more than 100 years ago… and the country has spend billion of dollars over the past decade of electrification projects and still we have nothing to show for it.

    We claim to be the biggest economy in African and one of the world’s top oil exporters and yet Nigerians face fuel shortage on a daily basis and unemployment is at a record high.

    Our students are leaving in droves to study in US, western Europe, eastern Europe, Scandinavia, and even India and Singapore. A lot of these people choose not to return because they are fully aware what awaits them. I hear people are also flocking to Ghana and South Africa for their university education because most of the Nigerian educational Institutions are a joke.

    How did we get here?

    The country borrows billions of dollars to pay its politicians.

    In 20 or 30 years from today, are we still gong to be talking about the same issues? i would be very surprised if we are not..
    .
    Is there really any hope for Nigeria?

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